


365 Days

by World_of_AUs



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:29:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27585460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/World_of_AUs/pseuds/World_of_AUs
Summary: “How can you stand there and say you love me, I don’t even know who I am, I can’t remember who I am!” You cried“Sweetheart trust me there’s no forgetting who you are.” He responded sternly eyes filled with conviction.“I can’t remember who you are.” You confessed voice threatening to break.His face fell, “you have to baby, you loved me, just the way I loved you, the way I still do, please y/n you have to remember, you have to remember us, you have to remember me.” He pleaded his eyes clouding over with tears.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> a rework of one of my older series!

_“I’d choose you in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds. I’d choose you in any version of reality. I’d find you and I’d choose you.”_

_“But what if you couldn’t find me?”_

_A smile tugs at his lips, his body turning to yours, fingers brushing back the stray hairs that kissed your face, “then I would close my eyes and dream.”_

_“Close your eyes and dream?”_

_“Yeah petal, you see because in my dreams I’ll always find my way back to you.”_

_“But what if I can’t find you,” you question._

_“Then you just have to wake up,” he answers, “you just have to wake up,” he says more urgently._

_Your brows furrowed as he sits up, the room and bed around you distorting._

_“Wake-up y/n,” he pleads voice urgent, “wake-up and find me, wake-up and find me!”_

A gasp leaves your mouth as you shoot up in bed just before he can grab you, the sheets clutched to your thundering heart. A light sheen of sweat coating your frightened form. You looked to the nightstand 12:03 a.m. like clockwork.

A shaky breath leaves your lips, as you toss the sheets off to the side, feet finding the carpeted floor. Your brace yourself on the side of the bed as you push off onto wobbly legs. You move around the room like a newborn deer trying to walk for the first time. A shaky breath left your lips as you grabbed your wool cardigan throwing it over your shoulders as you moved to your door. Creaking it open you looked into the dark hallway your eyes falling to the bottom of your mother’s door, darkness. Slipping out into the hall you turned bringing the door closed quietly before making your way down the hall, past the kitchen and out into the backyard.

You trudged to your spot, your back finding the bark of the old wooden tree, eyes falling shut as you tried to grab the reigns of your mind. 

You didn’t sleep much these nights, finding it hard to keep your eyes closed, mind racing with the nightmares that plagued your dreams. You could probably count on your fingers the amount of sleep you had gotten since that night. The memory constantly flashed in your mind behind closed eyes, the nightmares brewing close behind, chasing away any remnant of sleep.

You focused in on your breathing trying to pick at pieces of what was left of your now scrambled mind. A tear slipped from behind your closed eyes, why couldn’t you remember? Your breath hitched, as a sharp pain starting at the back of your head bloomed.

_“Is that your favorite Novel?”_

_Your eyes darted from the novel in hand to the husky voice in question, you breath catching in your throat. He was handsome from the depth of his eyes to the gentle expressions of his voice. He had tousled dark brown hair, which was thick and lustrous. His eyes a mesmerizing deep ocean blue, flecks of silvery light speckled throughout. His face was strong and defined, features molded from granite. He had dark eye brows, which sloped upwards in an amused expression._

_Your eyes fall back to the novel in hand cheeks warm as you look over the cover, ‘gone with the wind’_

_“you should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.”_

_Wide eyes are snapping back to his, “excuse me,” a grin tugs at his lips, his head dipping slightly as a chuckle rolls through him. He’s pointing to the novel in your hands, “gone with the wind,” he replies with a smile, your cheeks go red, and your averting your eyes back to the paperback novel._

_“oh god,” you laugh lamely, “I’m so sorry, you just really caught me off guard.”_

_He’s laughing then and you swear it’s music to your ears, “sorry about that sweetheart,” he’s moving closer than hand extended, “names Bucky, Bucky Barnes.”_

_Your looking from his hand to his face your own hand extending to shake his, “do you usually come to the bookshop to pick up women,” you questioned with a teasing tone._

_He’s laughing loudly then head tossed back, and your nearly knocked to your knees at the sound. His hand doesn’t let yours go as he comes down, “you’d be the first and I got to ask -”_

_“Y/n, y/n, y/l/n” you answer._

_He’s smiling then, “pretty name for a pretty girl,” you shake your head your cheeks reddening further, “like I was saying,” he goes back, “is it working?”_

_“I guess there’s only one way to find out,” you answered bravely, “would you like to grab a coffee with me, and hear me read a section of my favorite novel,” you questioned waving the book in your hand slightly._

_A grin is pulling at the corners of his mouth, and you know your as good as gone for this man, “I would love nothing more.”_

_“Well Bucky, after you,” you smile._

Your eyes shot open, tears streaming down your face as the images that had played in your mind faded away, almost as if your mind had made them up. You wiped the tears from your face angrily. You knew these memories were yours, you just didn’t know how they came to be, how you belonged in them, what they meant to you. You could try and dig through your mind to find the missing information but it always ended up blank. It was as if instead of a giving you the full film you were watching edited snippets that you had no idea how they tied back to anything, it was frustrating. You were confused, you felt lost, you didn’t even know who you were or what you had done.

_There’s a red solo cup in your hand, your body leaning against the furthest wall away from the chaos that is the party Natasha had dragged you too._

_“fancy seeing you here sweetheart, didn’t think you got out except to go to that quiet little bookshop of yours.”_

_You rolled your eyes, hiding that threatening smile behind the rim of the cup in your hand, “they say your trouble Barnes, that you aren’t worth the heartache.”_

_He’s shaking his head as he draws in closer, “the girls at the shop tell you that,” he questions, “is that why you’ve been avoiding me, always saying no to my request to take you out on a proper date?”_

_You’re shrugging your shoulders, red cup falling away from your face, “I don’t want to get caught up in you Bucky, it seems like a lot of women already are, and I would be fighting to keep your attention.”_

_“but,” he questions, “I know there’s a but there sugar,” he adds stepping closer closing the distance between the two of you, his figure crowding yours. You’re shaking your head, “look y/n, whatever the girls at the shop are telling you, it’s not true, they’re jealous of you sugar.”_

_You raise a brow, “why would they be jealous of me, they take my money on a daily, its them I should be jealous of.”_

_Bucky’s chuckling, the noise vibrating in the depths of your chest, “sweetheart they’re jealous because the only girl I’ve got eyes on is you,” he replies, “really the only reason I stop by that shop is in hopes that I get to see you there, maybe get you to read me a page or three, and watch you smile around a cup of coffee.”_

_“Buck,”_

_He’s bringing a hand to your cheek, “give me a chance y/n, I promise I’ll be worth the trouble.”_

_“One chance.”_

_He’s grinning as he dips down, the action making your breath catch in your throat, “one chance is all I need.”_

Sobs wracked your body, you didn’t mind some of the memories that flashed behind closed eyes, but these always hit you the hardest because you knew they were supposed to mean something to you, that this man who frequented these memories was supposed to be someone to you but you couldn’t piece anything together in your broken mind to who he was. You just knew his name, the man who frequented your dreams, Bucky Barnes. You didn’t know who he was, or how important he was to you, but he was always there, a reel on repeat. Why couldn’t you figure it out though, figure him out? Shaky hands came up to grip your head, squeezing your temples, eyes closing tightly shut. Thinking, thinking, nothing. Another choked sob tore through you, “y/n, sweetheart, what are you doing out here,” came your mothers worried voice.

You watch as your mother takes cautious steps towards you, her body falling to the grass next to you, “was it another nightmare sweetheart?”

“He was there again ma, he’s always there,” you cried as she pulled you into her arms, her breath catching in her throat, “I don’t know who he is ma, I just want to wake up, I just want to remember and I can’t, no matter how hard I try, I can’t wake up,” you choke out clinging to her like a life line, “I just want to wake up!”

Your mother holds you through the sobs that wrack your body, swaying the two of you as you repeat the words like a prayer ‘i want to wake up, I just want to wake up.”

Its only when you’ve tired yourself out and you willingly agree to go inside that she finds herself leading you back to your room. Watching as you climb back into a bed, quiet sniffles filling the quiet room. She stays by the door till your breath has evened out and you’re no longer rocking restlessly.

Finding her way back to her room, she shuts the door quietly behind her, the bedside table lamp guiding her. Your mother reaches for her phone, fingers clicking along the screen, she’s pressing the phone to her ear a second later. It rings once, twice, before his tired voice is answering, “I thought I told you to stop calling, I don’t need you giving me more shit.”

Your mother’s breath catches in her throat, when she hears the shrill cry of the baby through the speaker. She’s closing her eyes tight, “It’s getting worse James,”

The line goes silent, breaths caught, “she needs you.” 


	2. Month 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, car crash. 
> 
> A/n: This one is going to be a bit heavy on the angst guys I won’t lie, but I’m so so excited for this series because while I have done something similar to this, this series feels heavier in feeling. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and I will make up for the hurt with my other series I promise. As always happy readings angels!

_There was a tense silence in the car, Bucky’s glowering form gripping the steering wheel as he drove down the darkened roads, the only light was that of the dimmed light posts._

_“Bucky my mother wasn’t aware he would be there, she had only sent his mother an invitation, it didn’t mean anything.”_

_Bucky’s finger tightened around the wheel, “it didn’t mean anything,” he questioned back, “y/n, doll, you know how your mother feels about me, you also know how she felt about him, I just find it funny that you say your mom sent his mother an invitation, but he’s the one that ends up showing, who invites their daughter’s ex-fiancé to her baby shower?”_

_“Buck,” you try but you knew how it looked, you knew how your mother felt about Bucky, ‘he’s a no-good man y/n, he’s only going to break your heart’ she would say. Your fingers run over your large bump, “It shouldn’t matter that he was there or not, he means nothing to me Buck, my mother’s words mean nothing to me, because I chose you,” you reply eyes meeting his hoping the conviction voice through, “Stephen isn’t the one I vowed forever with, he’s not the one I chose to build a home with, and he’s not the one I’m starting a family with, I chose you Bucky, I chose all of this with you.”_

_Bucky’s pulling the car to a slowed stop at the red-light, his eyes falling to yours and there is no longer that glowering stare clouded over his features. A soft sigh leaves his lips, his eyes darting down to your nine-month bump, fingers reaching out to run over it. “I just worry one day, you’re going to listen to you mother’s words about me, I worry that I might lose you one day, and while I would do everything in my power to get you back, I worry it might not be enough.”_

_Your eyes check the light for a brief second before your hands are gripping his, “Bucky, nothing or no one could ever keep me from you, because in my dreams I always come back to you.”_

_Bucky’s leaning in to press his lips against yours, your soft hands cupping his cheeks, laughter bubbling against his lips as you pull away, “lights green,” you chuckle as he leans in for another._

_He pulls away eyes pressing the gas, it comes out of nowhere, the other car, the front of the truck hits the side of the car. Your bodies are flung to the side your face hitting the window, the world going dark._

You awoke with a loud gasp, your body shooting up in bed as you looked around your room, a choked sob following, “oh god,” you cried crumbling in on yourself, your hands falling to your flat stomach. You felt the panic begin like a cluster of spark plugs in your abdomen. The tension growing in your face and limbs, your breathing was becoming more rapid, shallower. You were flinging the sheets from your body as you struggled to get your breathing under control, your wobbly feet carried you to your door, as sobs wracked your body. 

You were struggling to call out for your mother, “mom,” you gasped through your tears, “mom,” you panicked when you didn’t find her in the room. You’re stumbling into the wall when you hear her soft voice in the living room, you suck in another breath steeling yourself to push through the hallway. Your mothers head is snapping when she hears you call for her, but that not what has you stilling, breath catching in your throat as more tears flood your eyes.

 _‘Bucky’_ , the whole world stops your eyes rolling back, your body going with it.

“You had to have known this is how she would react!”

“I didn’t think it would be this bad,” your mother cried, “she said you were there, that you’re always there, I didn’t know what else to do!”

“please,” he grunts, “you knew what you were supposed to do, what you should have done, but of course you would do everything in your will to keep her away from me, from us.”

“I gave you apart of her,” your mother growled, “that baby should be here with us, her daughter should be with her!”

“You’re right,” he growled, “her daughter should be with her, but I wasn’t going to let you taint _our_ daughter, I refused to let you take another part of me away!”

“now you listen here,” you mother hissed but it was cut off as you begun to stir, a low groan spilling from your lips as you struggled to open your eyes.

You felt a hand rub over your hair, your eyes fluttering open, your mother appeared in your sight but you were looking past her to the man in question. 

Your pushing against the couch you were sure you had been carried to, your eyes remain locked on his as you sit up, a shaky breath leaving your lips, “it’s you,” you whispered, voice threatening to crack. 

“Your Bucky,” his eyes widen breath hitching in his throat, “Bucky from my dreams,” his face falls, “you’re real, your actually real,” and there are those tears again. 

“I - ” a shrill cry sounds through the room, your watery eyes widen at the cry, fingers absentmindedly finding your stomach, it couldn’t be, it couldn’t be. “i-is is t-that,” you’re looking from him to your mom then back again in question, another cry fills the room and Bucky is stolen by the bundle hidden in a car seat. 

You’re looking to your mom, when a pain hits causing you to double in on yourself, 

_“Y/n, doll, where are you?” Your heart was caught in your throat, the white and blue stick wobbling in the hold of your shaky hand._

_The word pregnant staring back at you._

_Your eyes watered, “y/n sweetheart I-” your heads turning slowly, eyes meeting his, his lips are parted looking between you and the test in your hand, “s-sweetheart is that?”_

_You’re nodding your head slowly, the tears falling after a cry tearing past your lips, he’s moving forward then, his arms wrapping around your distraught form, “baby why are you crying,” he murmurs pressing his lips to your head, “tell me those are happy tears.”_

_Your pulling away from him slightly to look into his eyes, “y-you’re not mad,” you sniffled, “it was unexpected, and we just got the house Buck what if we’re not ready?” His warm hands are finding your cheeks, “sweetheart, new home or not we are going to be ready, we’ve talked about this before baby, a baby was always part of our plans sure it’s a little earlier than planned,” he chuckles looking at the test, “but baby there’s no one else I would want this with than with you.”_

_“so you’re not upset?”_

_“upset,” he questions with a chuckle, “oh baby no,” he murmurs knocking his head against yours, “I’m a little shocked but nowhere near being upset,” he grins hand finding its way to your stomach._

_You let out a teary laugh, hand covering his, “can’t believe there’s a piece of me inside of you,” you snort, “and there’s a part of us,” you murmur, “that will always be yours.”_

“y/n, sweetheart,” your mother coos voice laced over with faux concern, “were you remembering something?” 

You’re pushing her hands away as you move from the sofa they had placed you on, your body moving over to where Bucky was, a part of you feeling a pull to the whimpering infant. “m-may I,” you question looking at Bucky with wide watery eyes. 

“now y/n,” your mother tries, but you’re looking at her with a glare that has her quieting immediately, you look back to Bucky with expectant eyes. 

You watch as he slowly lowers the visor, pink blankets appearing, you’re leaning in closer, your breath hitching in your throat as you met a pair of the bluest orbs. In the eyes of the baby is all of you, there is a purity in her gaze, one of love, given and received and you knew in that moment without a word said inwardly or from your lips, that you loved this baby even if you weren’t sure that she was yours, but it had to be, she had to be, he was in your dreams, your thoughts and so was she. 

Tears flood your eyes, a shaky hand reaching out to push the blankets back to get a better look at her face, but it becomes too much. 

You’re once more falling in on yourself, a pained cry leaving your lips, Bucky’s leaning forward to catch you, but your mother’s sharp voice is stopping him, “that is enough,” she grounds out, “enough, I need you out, I need you both out,” she hisses I made a mistake!” 

Your eyes are snapping to your mothers, and at the same time you let out a noise of protest the infant, your child is also wailing. 

Bucky’s hushing her, but your mothers moving forward off the couch across from the two of you, “Out James now,” she repeats again, “this was a mistake I let my daughter’s moment of weakness deter me, you need to go and you need to go now!” 

Bucky’s shaking his head, as he grabs their things, “no,” you murmur, no.” 

Your mother’s wrapping her arms under you as she pulls you to your feet, you’re leaning towards Bucky and the car seat at the same time your mother is yanking you back. 

“mom no,” you cry as you watch Bucky leave through the door in haste, “no,” you yell, pushing her hands off of you as best as you can, your feet running after the two. 

You’re out the door just in time to see Bucky closing the back door, his name leaves your lips in a flurry, “y/n go inside.” 

You’re shaking your head as you close the distance between the two of you, and you can see he’s holding himself back from reaching out to you. “please just go inside, I don’t need your mom calling the cops sweetheart,” he tries. 

Your head tilts to the side, “w-why would she do that,” you questioned. 

“you don’t remember do you, don’t remember me?” 

More tears flood your eyes, god you were so tired of crying, “n-no, but I see you in my dreams a lot, your finger points to the back seat, I-is she,” 

You watch him swallow before he’s nodding stiffly, “oh god,” he’s moving forward then, his arms enclosing around you and though he’s a stranger to you, a man merely in your dreams, he feels like home, 

“you need to stop crying sweetheart, I hate to see you cry.” 

“I just want to wake up from this nightmare,” you murmur, “i just want to wake up.” 

“y/n,” your mother shouts, and you and Bucky are pulling away from one another, to see a phone pressed to her ear, “you have two minutes to get off my property James,” she hisses and your eyes are widening. 

“mom no!” 

It falls on deaf ears as Bucky moves away and you’re moving toward him, though he holds his hands up, “in your phone look for a j.b.b. text it.” 

“j.b.b,” you murmur, but he’s moving away quicker than, and you can’t stop him as he rounds the car, his body slipping in to the vehicle, the engine starting, and it’s not long before you’re watching his car speed away. 

You feel your mother’s hand fall to your shoulder seconds later, your eyes meet hers, “I know him don’t I, he’s important to me isn’t he,” you question shakily, “you asked him to come here for a reason,” your whisper, “why?” 

Your mother squeezes your shoulder, “let’s get you inside dear, that man is nobody, now come let’s go look at some pictures and home videos, that might get him off your mind, it might help you remember more meaningful things. 

Your rooted to the spot, eyes looking at the end of the street, a part of you feeling empty, incomplete. 

“Y/n c’mon sweetheart, I have a video on the T.V. waiting for you,” your mother called from the porch, “you have plenty of time to daydream.”

 _Dream_ , you thought, _‘I’ll always come back to you in my dreams’._


	3. Month 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst
> 
> A/n: we’re a day late here but i’m catching up so no worries! Honestly guys i am so pleased with this chapter and I hope you all are too, this is becoming one of my favorite angsty seriesto get out for you all, and i hope the time in between updates isn’t too much time, is it? You’ll be getting an update from me each day except for Saturday this week, Sunday will bring us back to regular posting. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and as always thank you all so much for reading!

_Your eyes slipped shut, the luke warm water washing over you, washing away the days anger, and sadness, the warm steam clearing your thoughts and inner turmoil._

_You jumped slightly under the warm stream when a hand wrapped itself around your waist, a naked body pressing itself against your back their lips finding your neck, his words ghosting over the shell of your ear._

_“Doll please don’t be upset, I know today didn’t go as planned but I don’t want you upset, you know I can hardly stand to see you like this.” he whispered a kiss being placed on your shoulder following a trail to your neck._

_You sighed, your arms wrapping around his arm for a moment before you were turning in hold, your watery eyes meeting his, “oh sugar,” he murmurs softly, lips leaning down to press against yours softly, “please don’t cry.”_

_“I just don’t get it Buck, why can’t my mom see how happy you make me, why can’t she see that this is something both of us want, why can’t she look past what she feels about you and just let me have this, let me have you._

_Bucky’s hand comes up to rest against your cheek “sweetheart I’ve never been your mother’s favorite and she’s said as such since our first meeting, but nothing, and I mean nothing is going to stop me from making you my wife, your mothers blessing or not, sweetheart I want this, I want you,” he adds, “and I know your mother is the world to you, but you’re my world too.”_

_You smiled up at him despite the heavy tears rolling down your cheeks, why couldn’t your mom see how happy he made you, why couldn’t she see the Bucky you saw?_

_“You’d still marry me,” you question, “despite it possibly just being us?”_

_“sweetheart I would marry you right here, right now, as naked as two jay birds if it meant I got to call you my wife for the rest of forever, no one, not even your mother could keep me from calling you my wife.”_

_Yours hands slide up his arms till they’re cupping his bearded cheeks, “I love you more than words can ever express Buck, I just wish my mother saw you for who you were, for the man that you are.”_

_His head is knocking against yours, “sweetheart nobody matters more than you,” he replies, “no one’s opinion of me matters more than yours, as long as you love me for me, and you love me for who I am and what I stand for, that’s all that will ever matter to me.”_

_“I don’t want to wait Buck,” you decide._

_  
A smile parted his lips, “I want to marry you as soon as possible, I know my mother will never approve of you, and to be frank she can go,” the words died on your tongue, “well you know,” you murmur._

_He’s chuckling, his warm breath fanning across your dewy skin, “what about your dream wedding sweetheart?”_

_Your eyes soften as you bring yourself closer to him nose brushing against his, “Buck I don’t need some huge extravagant ceremony, I don’t care where it is that we get married as long as I’m marrying you, I know you want to wait, want to give me whatever my heart desires for our big day but Buck I don’t want to wait, I want to wake up tomorrow morning knowing that I’m waking up to you, to my husband, I want to know that when I come home it’ll be to you, my husband.”_

_I choked laugh is leaving his lips, his own eyes watering as he looks at you, “sweetheart I’ll give you whatever you want,” he replies, “if you want to get married, we can get married right now, and you’ll never have to worry about anything ever, because I will be here for you always, despite any obstacle that might try to take you from me.”_

_“I’m yours always James Buchanan Barnes, and I’ll always, always come back to you should anything try to take me or keep me from you,” you promised as you leaned up on your toes, pulling him down to you as your lips met._

_With those words you had given bucky your answer, your promise of forever._

You woke with a gasp, fresh tears filling your eyes, his name silently falling from your lips as you squeezed your eyes shut, the tears racing down your cheeks. A whimper left your lips at the ache felt heavy in your chest, your eyes opening to glance down at you left hand that laid atop the crumble sheets bare like your memories, where had the simple diamond band gone?

It had been a month since the last time you saw Bucky in person, the man you still had no idea about. The only thing you knew about him was what you experienced in your dreams, but even then, it wasn’t enough, there wasn’t enough of him for you to hold onto, to latch onto the dreams that plagued you every night. You knew he was important to you that much was certain if your dreams were anything to go by. 

You just couldn’t understand why you couldn’t remember him, why your mind wouldn’t let you latch onto what you saw and make sense of it. You so badly wanted to know the man that visited your dreams nightly, and you wanted to know the pink bundle from a month ago; your heart ached, and yearned for them day and night.

Your mother wouldn’t hear of it though, no matter how many times in the past weeks that you had asked to see him again would she grant you what you wanted.

“sweetheart he’s not right for you,” she would say, “that day was a mistake, I should have never put you through that.”

Knowing you would never leave because your mind was a scrambled messed, she would deter you further by pulling out the damned photo albums, and the box filled with home videos, and it all felt wrong, looked wrong, you didn’t know this y/n, didn’t know the grainy girl that stared back at you through the photos and videos she was insistent on sharing with you.

Your mother was showing you the life she wanted you to remember, not the life that you wanted to remember, the life that showed itself only in your dreams, dreams and feelings that vanished as soon as you woke.

Your body fell back to the sheets, you weren’t ready to ‘wake’, weren’t ready to be pressed by your mother to go over some more photos. Since the incident with Bucky a month ago your mother had begun to show you pictures of Stephan, your ex-fiancé who was now engaged to a gorgeous woman, a woman your mother insisted was just a friend, though Stephan himself had told the both of you otherwise when he was called to the hospital the day of your accident, the day that you and your mother had both pushed Bucky from your life.

The day your life had changed.

How your mother was still insisting that Stephan was it for you, was by you, it seems your mother never had your best interest or happiness in mind.

Feeling around the sheets your fingers wrapped around your phone, the device heavy in your hand as you brought it level to your face. A message was waiting for you as it had been every morning since that evening. It had taken you some time to figure out what Bucky had meant by j.b.b. before he sped off that day, but when you had locked yourself in your room that night after pleasing your mother by sitting through hours of home videos you came across the J.B.B. in your phone’s contacts.

You had laid in your bed for hours that night looking at a blank message to his contact waiting to be written and sent out, but what would you say, what could you say, you had barely known him aside from your plaguing nightmares, and your first-time meeting, which had gone to shit.

Eventually you had worked up the courage, to send a ‘hi’ one word two letters, two letters too much. You had trouble easing the panic rising as you waited for a message to be returned, one didn’t come that night, not until the following morning when you found yourself waking to a photo, a photo of the man in question and a wrapped pink bundle cuddled close against his chest, your heart had never ached more as you looked over the image, a simple ‘good morning sweetheart’ greeting you.

Speaking through text with Bucky was your only sense of normalcy now, your mother’s tactics to get you to remember had now become an aching chore, and nothing she was doing was working, Bucky on the other hand was trying to help as well, but he wasn’t forcing it. He wasn’t pushing you to remember him, to remember the life you lived together, he wasn’t trying to force a life on you.

Your hands had moved on their own, as they pressed the call button by his name, your hands pressing your phone to your ear. It hadn’t registered what you did fully till you heard his soft voice call out to you.

A shaky breath left your lips, “I had another dream,” that’s all you had to say, the line growing quiet as you told him all about it, about how most days that’s all you wanted to do was sleep. Sleep to forget this nightmare you were living sleep to find him.

“Do you remember me?”

Your breath caught in your throat, chest constricting, “I don’t you murmured softly,” you felt horrible for not remembering him, “but I want to, I just don’t know how to hold onto what I see in my dreams,” a sniffle.

“hey now,” he murmurs softly, “don’t do that y/n, you’ll remember your life, remember me in due time, there’s no rush on my end sweetheart, I’m going to be here waiting for as long as it might take.”

“but what if I can’t ever remember,” a soft sigh leaves his lips and you can hear the pink bundle fussing in the back and your chest constricts further.

“sweetheart, you will, I know you will,” a wail fills the line and tears flood your eyes, you wanted to remember, you wanted to be there with them, with him in this moment.

“is - is she okay?”

“she’s fine,” comes his soft reply, and you can hear him cooing at her and it makes you cry further, “I promise you she’s okay,” Bucky tries to reassure though he’s not sure who he’s trying to convince more, you or him.

You sniffle choking back a sob, “I - I just wish I was there, I wish I could wake up and be there.”

“You are sweetheart, you might not be here physically but she knows you, I make sure of that each and every day, and when the time comes for you to come home to us, I promise she’s going to know exactly who you are.”

“you tell her about me,” you can’t help but to question voice meek.

“every day y/n, every day,” he goes quiet for a second, “I’m telling you sweetheart, you’re going to come home, you’re going to find your way back to us, and I promise we’re going to be here waiting for you.”

You took Bucky’s words in, an unknown promise, but a promise none the less, and you held onto his words with hope. Just like you held onto his memory in your dreams.

Your mother had seemingly picked up on this newfound hope, questioning you almost every morning now if you had escaped out of the house and to the tree without her knowing, and each time you had responded no, because as of late there was just no reason for it, you had started to find solace in your dreams and the man who invaded them, and each time you had given her the same answer, her brow would only raise further the dip in her brows furrowing further each time. 

It took two weeks for your mother to question her suspicion, cornering you during breakfast one morning.

“you’re talking to him aren’t you,” she had questioned, “that’s why you haven’t been waking up in fits of fear and finding your way to the tree.”

Your eyes had snapped to hers, “and what if I am, am I expected to live a life I don’t know, to wake up in tears every night, is that what you want of my life mother?”

She’s shaking her head, her glowering deepening, “he’s no good for you y/n, he is not going to help you through any of this, he-”

“He’s been more help than you,” you grunted, “he doesn’t force me to remember things, he doesn’t thrust things on me for his benefit!”

“Oh of course he wouldn’t,” she hissed, “he’s the reason you’re like this y/n, this is his fault!”

“It is not,” you argued back anger growing, “had you just listened for once, for once, and not invited Stephan to the baby shower, we would not have had to leave like we did, had you just for once listened to me and realized that I loved him, that he was it for me, maybe this wouldn’t have happened, if there is anyone to blame here it is you!”

Your mother stared at you wide-eyed, your breaths coming out labored from the anger radiating within you, “h-how did you,” she paused had coming up to her mouth, “d-did you remember?”

You hadn’t realized what you had said, the words that had spilled from your lips, you remembered, you remembered something.

Tears were filling your eyes, a choked sob falling from your lips, you had remembered something and it wasn’t because of your mom, no, it was the one she was keeping you from. Anger coming back tenfold you ran from the kitchen grabbing your keys from the hook.

“and where do you think you’re going,” your mother screeched, “you don’t have anyone except for me and stephan y/n!”

You glared at her over your shoulder, “I had someone, but you ripped me away from them, you ripped me away from the only person who could possibly be the one to bring me back!”

“Oh please y/n, I didn’t rip you from him, do you not remember who you screamed for at the hospital, do you not remember that you screamed bloody murder when you saw him, nobody kept him from you, except you,” she hissed.

More tears brimmed your eyes, lips set in a thin line as you stepped out of the home that wasn’t yours door slamming roughly behind you as you raced down the steps and to your car.

Your mind was racing as you drove to an unknown destination in mind it’s like you were on autopilot, you had no idea where you were going, you had no one, remembered no one. 

You continued to drive till you were in a neighborhood that wasn’t yours but looked familiar nonetheless, you continued to drive through the quiet, homey block, your car pulling in front of a home that definitely wasn’t yours yet there was something pulling you to it, and that’s when you spotted him, spotted them, his eyes meeting yours.

Your eyes watered as you watched him stand the pink bundle wrapped tightly in his arms as he took cautious steps down the stairs of the porch. You’re switching the car off, shaky hands reaching for the door as you practically tumble out.

“Y/n?”

“Bucky?” you asked confused, you looked around you again before looking back towards him, you were confused trying to figure out what was going on.

“sweetheart what are you doing here, how did you get here?” he questioned as he took a step towards you.

“I” you paused shaking your head a throbbing pain forming at the back of your skull “I got into a fight with ma, and I - I remembered something from my dreams, and I got mad because of the things she said about you so I left,” you sniffled wide eyes darting around the area, “I left and I drove, and I kept driving to wherever it was my mind was taking me.

Bucky watched you with worried eyes, watching your’s dart around frantically trying so hard to recognize your surroundings.

"Sweetheart it’s okay.” he whispered laying a hand on your shoulder, the baby held tightly in the other.

You looked over at him wide-eyed, “But bucky i don’t even know where I am, I don’t know how i even got myself here.” you whispered breaths coming out fast.

“Breathe.” he instructed “Just breathe, you’re okay.”

“Where am i Bucky?” you questioned trying to reign in on your breathing.

Bucky gave you a worried look, as if the answer he was about to give you was sure to be something to really set you off, he sighed,

“You’re home, our home.”


	4. Month 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: feels, angst, possible fluff (if you squint your eyes)
> 
> A/n: @oliviastan17 asked to make an appearance slapping the heck out of the readers mom, but I think this just works better, its a slap in the face BUT WITH WORDS. Anyway y’all are definitely going to enjoy this one, this one is going to be a bit of a lengthy one.

_Our home._

Bucky’s words resonated, bouncing around in your head, your breathing became labored rather quickly as you tried to rationalize what was going on.

“Oh god!” you whispered shakily, your quivering hands coming up to rest on your head, Bucky reached out to help you while juggling the bundle in one hand, but you shook him off. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine, don’t worry about me” you answered exasperated, though with the way the world around you was spinning you knew you were far from it. 

You kneeled down on the pavement bringing your knees to your chest, curling in on yourself slightly, your eyes slipping closed as you tried to catch your breath.

"Y/N, doll, its okay,” Bucky cooed comfortingly, his voice close enough for you to tell he was kneeled in front of you. “Look at me sweetheart.”

You shook your head back and fourth, the throbbing in your head intensifying from your erratic movements, “o-oh god, what’s happening to me” you muttered, before the world around you went black.

An incessant beeping reached your ears; a stagnant smell, like the air around you had been cleaned with plain water instead of disinfectant wafted your nose.

“I ought to call the cops on you,” you heard your mother hiss.

“Now m’am I’m going to have to ask you to calm down, or I will have you removed from the room,” you heard another voice call out.

“If anyone should be removed from the room, it should be him,” your mother argued back, “he’s the reason she’s here, he’s always the reason!”

A groan split your lips as you struggled to get your eyes open, “if y/n came to me that was her own doing,” his voice stopped your struggle, “I didn’t tell her to come to me, you really think I would want to confuse her further, to make this harder on her, I want her back just as bad as you do, but I wouldn’t push anything that she was uncomfortable with on her.”

“You seem to be capable of a lot of things,” your mother hissed.

“I said enough,” came the second voice you had heard, “ma’am I won’t ask again please lower your voice, if anything you should be thanking him for bringing her in, he could have very well just taken her inside and taken care of her himself if he really wanted to cause her any harm, he did the right thing bringing her in, and much less with a baby in tow.”

Your eyes are fluttering again, glimpses of the white washed walls coming into focus, “you really don’t know what he’s capable of, he did this to her, he took everything from her.”

Your eyes are opening the rest of the way, though you go unnoticed, “I could give your daughter the whole world and you still wouldn’t bat a fucking eye,” he grunted, “if she’s not going exactly by what you say, you’ll never be pleased with her life choices.”

You can see Bucky visibly holding back from lashing out at your mother, “my daughter has done everything right,” your mother argued, “she was doing great, great,” she hissed, “and then you came along and literally uprooted all of her success!”

The nurse becomes a barrier between your mother and Bucky then, her hands holding Bucky back, “Sir,” she murmurs catching your wide eyes, “your wife’s awake.”

“Wife,” you mother hisses, “pl-”

The nurse snaps towards her, “that is enough!”

The room grows silent, “I have had enough of you attacking this man, that is your daughters husband memory or not, you will not disrespect this man any further, now please see yourself out, and you will only be allowed back in if the doctor approves of it once he has seen her.”

Your mother gapes at the nurse who stands tall and firm, “and what about him, she’s going to freak out!”

“I won’t,” you speak up finally finding your voice, three pairs of eyes are on yours, “I won’t freak out with him here, he can stay.”

The nurse offers you a gentle smile, your eyes glance down to the tag on her scrubs, ‘Liv’ “would you like me to escort your mother out?”

Your nodding your head slowly and you hear your mother scoff, “you’ve got it hun.”

You watch as the nurse turns sharply on her heel away from you and Bucky, “you heard your daughter mam, out,” she speaks sternly, hand pointed out towards the door.

“you can’t just kick me out!”

“Watch me, now go!”

Bucky and you watch as she escorts your mother out, her body turning only slightly from her spot at the door, “your doctor should be in soon, we rang him as soon as your were brought in, he should be in shortly.”

You’re thanking her quietly before she’s exiting the room, your eyes meet Bucky’s, “m’sorry, I didn’t mean to cause you any trouble.”

His brows are furrowing, “oh sweetheart no,” he murmurs, “it’s no trouble at all, but after what you shared and seeing as how you passed out on our lawn, I had to bring you in, just wanted to make sure you’re okay, even if that means being in the same room as your mom.”

You go to answer but a tiny shriek is filling the room, both your eyes are snapping to the carrier in the seat next to your bed, “give me a second doll m’sure she’s just needing a bottle.”

You watch with wonderous eyes as he moves to your side of the bed, strong hands pull the whimpering bundle from the car seat, he secures her in his arms, hand reaching for the bottle.

There’s a pang in your chest, and you can’t help the words from leaving your lips, “c-can I -” his eyes meet yours, “c-can I hold her?”

He’s offering you a warm smile, his feet carrying him towards you, your heart races, breath caught in your throat as he adjusts the pink bundle in his arms. You can feel his warmth as he falls in closer, his hands depositing the bundle in your arms.

A choked sound leaves your lips, eyes watering instantly, you didn’t think you would ever experience ‘love at first sight’, you were sure you had, but it was something you couldn’t remember, and this had quickly become your favorite memory.

“S-shes beautiful,” you eyes meet his, “she’s so beautiful and tiny, oh god.”

“She gets it from her mom sweetheart, she’s all you.”

Your eyes glance down at the wiggling content baby as she drinks down her bottle, “I’m missing so much aren’t I, she’s not going to know who I am,” you murmur quietly fingers running over her cheeks.

“I tell her about you every night, show her videos and pictures of you that I have saved on my phone, we might not have you with us, but you’re there.”

Your eyes meet his, “I wish I could remember you, remember the life that we shared, it’s unfair,” you sigh, “it’s unfair to you, it’s unfair to me.”

Bucky’s hand falls to your shoulder, thumb running in a smoothing circle, “sweetheart, in due time you will come to remember the life we shared, don’t be so hard on yourself, and don’t let your mom force anything on you, it’s going to come to you when you least expect it, you take as long as you need, I’m going to be here.”

Your eyes watered once more, lips parting to answer but three swift knocks were stopping you, the door swinging open a second later

“y/n good afternoon,” Dr Johnson answered cheerily, “and a good afternoon to you too Mr. Barnes so glad to see you again, how’s the little one doing, she growing like a sprout?”

“again?” you questioned.

Doctor Johnson glanced at you with a bright smile as she drew in closer, “yes dear, I’ve seen Mr. Barnes and baby Barnes numerous times since the accident,” you wanted to question it further, but Dr Johnson didn’t give you a chance as she asked if Bucky wouldn’t mind stepping out into the hallway while she spoke with you.

You had quickly but in asking if you could keep your daughter with you, “of course you can, if that’s okay with dad,” Doctor Johnson had spoken up, your eyes meeting Bucky’s. A warm smile had kissed his lips, fingers running over your daughter’s head softly, “wouldn’t want anything more, I’ll be right in the hallway should you need me.”

You both thanked him quietly, watching his retreating form glide out the door, “alright y/n,” Dr. Johnson spoke up as soon as the two of you were alone, “how has everything been, how have you been feeling, the nurses station filled me in on the little accident we had today, you feeling okay,” she questioned.

You let out a quiet sigh, eyes watching the little girl in your arms, “if I can be honest, I just don’t know, some days I feel good, like if I’m really starting to get a hold of things but then there are days where I just feel so lost and overwhelmed,” you were suddenly feeling grateful to be seen alone.

She nodded her head in understanding, “These are all normal things to be feeling given the situation,” she replied, “now you mentioned you had days where you felt good, when do those happen, what brings those days on?” 

Your lips pursed in thought, “it seems to only happen when I speak to -”

“speak to who y/n, your safe here,” Dr. Johnson urged you on.

“Bucky,” you murmured quietly,” I feel really comfortable around him, it’s hard to explain, things just come easier when I’m speaking to him, I don’t feel like I’m forced to remember things that just won’t come to me like my mom expects them too.”

Dr. Johnson nods in understanding, “speaking of mom, how is it living with her, is it helping you in anyway, has she been helping?”

You couldn’t help but scoff, “some help she has been it’s the same routine with her every day, its exhausting,” you mumbled. “If I’m being honest, I don’t think it’s helped, if anything I don’t feel at home, I just feel more confused day in and day out, she just shows me parts she wants me to remember, she doesn’t even try to make sense of the things I see in my dreams.”

“well let me ask you this, do you know who Bucky Barnes is,” she questioned.

You raised a brow at her, that threw you for a loop, “he’s my husband,” you mumbled.

Dr. Johnson chuckled at your tone, “he is, I’m glad you remember that much.”

“well that’s the thing, I get these flashbacks occasionally and they have somewhat helped me put pieces together, but not to the extent I would like.”

“apart from being your husband, do you know who he is, what he does?”

“what do you mean?” you questioned.

“do you know who Bucky Barnes is, what he does for a living?”

“oh, uhm, he’s a mechanic, he works with Steve, Natasha, and Sam, he tries to just do weekends, but he can never stay away from that shop of his,” your eyes widened.

“what’s got you so surprised y/n,” she questioned a knowing twinkle in her surprised eyes.

“I remembered more,” you whispered.

At this Dr. Johnson laughed, “well it seems you’ll be getting your memory back sooner than you think but you’ll need to hold on there because it may take longer than your hoping,” she replied, “I also have a suggestion if you’re willing to hear it,” she adds, “I believe this could be extremely beneficial to you based on our time here, but before we do so I would like to run some tests and then have Bucky and your mom join us because I would like them to both be present.”

“Of course,” you murmured with a nod of your head, the doctor clapped her hands together, “great, well let’s get you going so we can get these tests run, our situation figured out, and hopefully get you going home.”

It took about an hour to get all the examinations done, and shortly after, you had been escorted back to the same room your mother and Bucky waiting patiently for your return. Dr. Johnson walked in nodding at the three of you in greeting minutes later.

“well y/n, the tests are looking good nothing out of the ordinary, which is great so that’s a very good thing,” she started “now before I get started here, I do want to ask your mother and Bucky to be reasonable to the suggestion I am going to make, I am making this suggestion based off what we spoke about earlier, I do believe this would benefit you greatly and we would see more improvement.”

“what are you suggesting doctor,” You questioned lowly.

“well,” she began, “I believe the best thing for you right now is to go home with Bucky,” she started watching you for a reaction, “this is of course your decision no one will force you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with.”

“absolutely not,” your mother hissed standing from her chair, “that suggestion is absolutely mad, how can you even make such a suggestion, she remembers ME, me,” your mother argued, “she knows nothing of that man,” your mother grunted pointing a finger at Bucky.

“Mam, please take a seat, this decision is not yours to make this is y/ns.”

“how can you ask her to make such a big decision like that, she cant possibly be in the right state,” your mother argued.

Doctor Johnson sighed with a shake of her head, “M’am I assure you y/n is perfectly capable of making a decision such as this one on her own, she doesn’t need anyone but herself to make this call.”

“please that is abs-”

“I’d like to go home with Bucky,” you spoke eyes not meeting your mothers, instead falling to a surprised man in the corner, bundle held closely to his chest. The gleam shone in his eyes was enough to assure you, you had made the right decision.

“I think you’ve made the perfect decision y/n,” Dr. Johnson assured.

You hadn’t been sure what to expect when making the move with Bucky, you had been expecting fear, worry, been expecting to feel completely out of the safe comfort zone your mother’s house had given you, but when you had stepped foot into the home you had once shared with Bucky you had felt peace, like a missing piece had been filled.

Bucky had you moved fairly quickly, he had been adamant to take you from your mothers, but with you making the decision and it solely being yours the second the words had left your mouth your mother had all but asked you to leave.

In that moment you had felt like maybe you had made the wrong decision, were expecting to regret it the second the doctor released you from the hospital, but the regret never came. Missing the life you had with your mom never came, you felt at home, things came easier for you, life was easier for you, and you had Bucky to thank for that. Bucky was always there when he wasn’t working in the garage, and when Bucky wasn’t there your daughter was, and your daughter had given you so much hope, when she was in your arms everything just felt right. Even though you were far from remembering the man who your heart had once loved, you had hope that you could find your way back.

After having put you daughter down for the night, you found yourself trudging softly to the room you and Bucky shared, from the first night you had come home you had wanted to have a normal routine and that had meant sharing a room with Bucky. You had expected yourself to all but freak out, but you found your sleep came easier, and your dreams lasted a little longer come morning.

Crawling up the bed you latched onto one of the pillows burying your face into it, instantly you were engulfed by his scent. Your eyes closed ever so slowly; his scent was so familiar now. You remembered it. Remembered falling asleep in his arms, waking to the feel of his chest beneath your head.

You remembered the way he would wake you up, his fingers dancing tentatively across your skin. A fit of goosebumps would arise in the wake of his fingers, causing you to stir in your sleep. When he would notice you start to wake slowly, he would whisper the sweetest things in your ear, slowly pushing you onto your back his lips finding their way from you ear, to your neck, till finally they might your lips fully pulling you from you sleep.

“y/n?”

Hearing Bucky’s voice you lifted your head from the pillow, eyes going to the door. Bucky walked into the room looking fresh out of the shower, his eyes landing on your form in the bed, he stared at you with a look of amusement mixed with confusion which was soon replaced with worry when he notice the tears staining your cheeks.

“Are you okay?” he questioned quietly making his way over to you, stopping at the edge of the side you laid on.

You nodded smiling, “Yes I promise I’m okay, I was just remembering somethings is all.”

“That happened on the bed?” he questioned in a suggestive tone, his face turning playful when he realized you were internally freaking out.

Your face flushed, a red hue taking over your cheeks, “Shut up, not like that, well I mean not really.” you stuttered your hands coming up to wipe under your eyes.

He laughed taking a seat on the bed next to you, “I’m just hoping those tears aren’t because you’re suddenly remembering that I’m horrible in bed.” he teased.

You let out a loud laugh, your hands covering your face the warmer your cheeks got, “Stop it buck, I just put our daughter to bed,” you giggled voice muffled by your hands.

Bucky chuckled, “You know you don’t have to be embarrassed around me, right, you’ve been here with us for a few weeks now, and you’re doing great sweetheart,” he spoke laughter subsiding.

Dropping your hands from your face you looked up at him; he was looking at you with a small smile a nervousness in his eyes, a nervousness you were surprised to see even now. You could see in his eyes that he was afraid, worried that his jokes may be making you uncomfortable, but the jokes kept you on your feet, they had brought you a sense of normalcy. You smiled moving over on the bed, patting the spot next to you. He gave you a warm smile, as he laid beside you, your arms touching.

You turned on your side facing him, “It’s just a little weird you know, like I can’t believe I’m actually here, that I’m here with you and our daughter, I thought I would have to keep seeing the two of you through the screen of my phone,” you spoke, teeth pulling your bottom lip between your teeth.

“I know it’s weird but I’m so glad you’re here, I’m so glad to see how close you’ve become with her, I was worried we might not ever get you back, even though I know we fully haven’t, well at least not me,” he murmurs.

“I’m sorry if I’m ruining our time together,” you whispered quietly, eyes looking away from his.

“Sweetheart, I didn’t -” but the words die on his tongue, his hand coming up to grip your chin lifting your head up to face him again, “Y/n, you are not ruining our time together, not at all, I just need you, sweetheart when I saw what happened to you, what you went through, knowing that I couldn’t have done something more to prevent what happened that night, I feared that I had lost you for good, but the fact that you’re here, right now, in front of me, in my arms, that’s more than enough for now.”

“How did I get so lucky?” you murmured not meaning to say it out loud your eyes filling with tears.

He smiled softly at you, his thumb running across your cheeks as he wiped the tear that fell, “ I ask myself that same question every day.”

You stared at one another then, both of you getting lost in the other’s eyes. 

You weren’t sure what was going on in Bucky’s mind in this moment but you knew what was happening in yours. You were remembering, remembering looking into those same eyes you were now, seeing the love in them. 

You remembered the small, innocent kisses you would share when you thought no one was looking. You remembered the way you would watch films, the way he would reach out and touch you not even seeming to realize that he was aimlessly tracing patterns along your skin, his eyes still engrossed on the movie.

You could remember how it felt to have his lips pressed against yours, how your heart would race when you would catch him looking at you, a smile on his lips. 

You remembered all these things but you didn’t feel them. 

Looking back at Bucky, you didn’t feel the love that you remembered. 

You decided then to take a chance, you were going to push yourself, take a risk. You started to lean into him, deciding that you wanted more than just a memory of kissing him and he seemed to understand your intentions as he started to lean in as well.

Mere moments before Bucky’s lips met your’s a swirl of butterflies swarmed your stomach, a pink hue coating your cheeks.

You felt something for him and even though for you it was too soon to call love, the smallest part of you was endlessly hoping that it was.


	5. Month 4

_You were standing on the balcony of your shared apartment, the balcony had been your favorite thing about this place, the reason you and Bucky had settled on it. You liked to come out here on the bad days and just look out at the beautiful scenery like you always did before heading out for work, except this time something was missing, or rather someone._

_You were trying so hard to root yourself, to get yourself out of the dark place you had found yourself in recently. Feeling this way would do you no good, if you didn’t balance out your feelings raging inside of you now, the home the two of you shared would suffer for it._

_If you were being honest with yourself your home was already suffering, but it wasn’t because of you or Bucky, no it was because of your meddling mother. Your mother didn’t know when to stop, and you were certain she wouldn’t till Bucky was out of the picture, and she was working hard to make that happen._

_Your mother had brought Stephen up again during her last visit, Bucky was used to it by now but the last straw was when your mother handed you a slip of paper with his number on it, informing you she had already given him yours. You had never seen Bucky more angered than you did that evening, things had been said and while it further drew a wedge between him and your mother, he had also expressed some anger to you, thus driving a wedge between the two of you._

_You and Bucky had never fought, or, well you had, but the words he shared with you that evening were words that had never been shared with you before. The following morning Bucky had barely spared you a glance much less given you the time of day to figure out where the two of you stood. You hadn’t seen much of him in the days that had passed either what with after your argument he had decided for the two of you that you both needed space from one another._

_Seeing as how things had been left and with no attempt on either end to fix the damage that had been done you were sure Bucky was about ready to call it quits with you, your mother had really done it now, she would finally be getting what she wanted._

_It had been a week since your argument, and you had thought coming out here before heading off to work would help but no such luck, you were feeling worse than ever before. You took in a shaky breath, you couldn’t do this, you needed to talk to Bucky, you needed to get this thing sorted out even if it meant there was no more you and him._

_“y/n” your breath caught in your throat, eyes widening, you were frozen in your spot._

_You willed yourself to remain calm as you turned you head to spare him a glance, “hey,” you spoke weakly giving him a small smile._

_“I’m just about to head out to the shop, we had an early morning client stop in, it’s a two-man job and Sam has the morning off, so I’ll be helping Steve,” he explained, making his way over to you, stopping a few feet away from you. “Didn’t feel you in bed this morning, so I figured I might find you out here.”_

_You couldn’t seem to find the words, you were still shocked to see him standing here, much less using any words with you, it had been a week of silence. You looked away from him and back out over the balcony, you saw him move from the corner of your eye, and that alone broke you. Bucky hadn’t come here to fix things, he didn’t come find you because HE wanted too, he came to find you because he just wanted you to know he was leaving for the day, a common courtesy._

_The tears at this point were threatening to spill over, you couldn’t do this, you couldn’t go on feeling like this._

_“I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I need to go,” you rushed out, voice coming out in a pained panic._

_You were quick to turn on your heel pushing yourself from the balcony, you were only able to get so far before a hand was wrapping itself around your bicep keeping you in place, “Hey woah slow down doll, what do you mean you can’t do this?”_

_The word alone was enough to send the first tear rolling, you felt like you hadn’t heard that word leave his lips in so long, “Please let me go Bucky, I really need to go, I can’t, I can’t do this, please.” You pleaded sniffling, head falling._

_“Baby are you crying,” he murmured coming to stand in front of you._

_You kept your head down not wanting him to see you like this. Bucky’s hand found its way under your_

_quivering chin lifting it until your eyes met his, “sweetheart why are you crying, hey don’t cry, you can talk to me, what’s going on?”_

_Was he being serious, you wanted to scoff at him, "Are you being serious right now, weren’t you the one that decided to give the two of us space without consulting me, the one that said I would be better off without you, the one that said they would be better off without me,” you questioned_

_” I really don’t want to do this, I can’t continue to pretend like we’re happy Buck when you can’t even talk to me, won’t even look at me,” a look came over Bucky’s face. “It’s been a week bucky, a week since you have spoken to me, much less given me the time of day, you left me by myself for a week without even bothering to tell me where we stood, and you wouldn’t even give me the chance to try and figure it out.” you spoke voice rising “For a week I’ve had your words bouncing around in my head, for a week i needed you, i needed you and you weren’t there” you cried “So please Bucky let me go, let me go because i can’t do this, I can’t be the partner you need,” and you meant that in more ways than one._

_Bucky’s face was unreadable as you both just stood there, his arm still wrapped around yours,_

_"I can’t let you do that.”_

_“What do you mean you can’t let me do that, Bucky you said yourself you’d be better off without me, and it’s true, you would be so much better off without me, without my mom bashing on your every chance she gets,” you cried._

_Bucky’s face fell, “I fucked up sweetheart, I didn’t mean anything i said, but the words were out of my mouth before i could even think to stop them,” he spoke his eyes meeting yours. “Doll i didn’t mean any of those things that came out of my mouth that night, i regret every single thing i said, i was just so scared, I am scared that you’re going to realize that maybe your mother is right, that maybe you don’t really want this, want me, and I’ll have to watch you waltz back into Stephens arms._

_"You were so scared of losing me that you pushed me away,” you questioned softly, “why didn’t you try and talk to me Buck, why didn’t you try and here me out?”_

_Bucky’s head fell, “I was scared of what you would say, I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve any of that sweetheart, and if i could redo that day, redo everyday this past week and take it all back, everything i said i would,” he pauses his eyes meeting yours again “Sweetheart you have to realize that you are it for me, there’s no one else, no one else I want, and if you decide you don’t want this anymore it’s going to break me beyond repair, I’m so sorry i ever made you think other wise, but sweetheart I’m scared,” he whispered, “I’m scared one day you are going to wake up and realize you don’t want me, want this anymore.”_

_The tears were now falling harder from your cheeks, Bucky’s heart was aching in his chest at the sight of your tear stained face, “Come here.” he murmured as he wrapped his arms tightly around you, grounding you._

_“y/n, sweetheart, i love you and i’m so sorry i couldn’t get my head out of my ass for more than five seconds to realize how much i was hurting you and was continuing to hurt you, you are the last person i would ever want to hurt.”_

_"But Buck-” you started to say only to have him hush you._

_“ You deserve so much more than me, you deserve so much more than i can give you, but i’m going to let myself be selfish with you.” he spoke pulling away slightly to look down at you._

_“Buck, I don’t want anyone else, It’s always been you.” you sniffled._

_“Good because I’m never letting you go, you’re stuck with me sweetheart, and i promise i will never ever hurt you,” he murmured tightening his arms around you._

_You pressed yourself into his chest, your arms tightening around him as well the longing and need of his embrace stronger than ever, and Bucky could sense it,_

_“I’ll never let you go,” he repeated in your ear, before placing a kiss to your head._

_You knew it was a promise he intended to keep and never break._

You’re shooting up in bed, a choked sob falling from your lips as you crumble in on yourself, fingers clutching the sheets tightly. Bucky’s at your side in a second arms going around you, soft voice drifting through your hair.

“I’ve got you sweetheart, it’s okay, I’ve got you,” he promises lips pressing tenderly into the side of your head. You’re leaning into him, shaky hands leaving the sheets to wrap around his bare torso.

“Don’t let go,” you whispered against the tears blurring your vision, “please don’t let go.”

He tensed beneath you slightly, but his hold on you strengthened, his head finding its way to your neck to try and bring you closer, you reveled in it in him. At some point, you weren’t sure whose tears were soaking your shirt, his or yours, and just when you felt him pulling himself from you he leaned down and placed a kiss to your head before you felt his breath by your ear his voice was low and husky as he spoke, sending a shiver down your spine.

“I told you before, I’ll never let you go, and I promise,” he spoke as he pulled away to gaze into your watery ones, “that I won’t ever let you go sweetheart.”

Bucky like many nights before this one had managed to wrangle you back into the sheets, though there were many times you wanted to run from this bed, from him, he managed to pull you back to him always.

“nother bad dream,” he murmured fingers running up and down the length of your back.

You shook your head, “was another dream with you, our first real ugly fight,” you murmured feeling the tears well up in your eyes again, “my mother – my mother was the cause of it,” you suck in a shaky breath, “why does she hate you so much,” you questioned eyes meeting his.

Buckys hand comes to your cheek, thumb running along your skin to catch the fallen tears, “she thinks I’m no good for you sweetheart, she believes the day that you left Stephen was the biggest mistake you could have ever made, she thinks you’ve downgraded from a hotshot CEO, to a mechanic who’s runs a ma and pa shop with his best friends.”

“I may not have all the memories I’d like to have of you, and I may not know fully what It is like to love you unless I’m asleep and in my dreams, but I want you to know that choosing to be with you was the best thing that could have happened to me, somewhere deep down in my disoriented mind I love you, I love you with all I have.”

Bucky’s lips press to your head, his arms pulling you in closer, “I know sweetheart, I know, and for now, I’ll do the loving for the both of us.”

Bucky was a patient man, since you had moved in with him, he had been nothing but patient, he was letting you go at your own pace, he wasn’t like your mother by any means. He wasn’t forcing you to sit down and watch videos, look at photo albums, look at things that pertained specifically to him, he was letting you be.

You appreciated this, appreciated the moments he would let you enjoy with just your daughter, the little girl who had taken a hold of your heart, you were finally able to be there, able to watch her grow, and there was no need to remember her because you were just getting to know her.

There was something missing, and you knew it had to do with Bucky, you were growing impatient with yourself as the weeks passed you. Growing restless that there wasn’t more that you could to remember, so that’s why on this particular day Bucky finds you in the nursery during his lunch, your daughter placed in a bouncer next to you, various photo albums littered around you.

“hey sweetheart, what are my two favorite girls doing,” your eyes move over to him and he’s crossing over to you at the first sight of tears.

He’s pulling you up off the floor and into his arms, “what’s wrong doll, something happen, why you crying?”

“M’just so frustrated buck, I can’t remember anything,” you sniffled, “I thought finally coming home would help but I’m no closer to remembering you than when I was staying with my mom.”

“Don’t worry Y/n, it will –”

“Come back to me in time,” you muttered, “you know, I’m getting real fucking tired of hearing that,” you scowled at the ground.

“Alright, you know what, I think that is as good a sign as any to call this a day, you need to take a break, breathe, and not break your head over this, it’s not going to benefit anyone if you become upset over this .” 

You sighed as the guilt washed over you, “I’m sorry Buck, I just want to remember.”

“I know sweetheart, and I want you to, to, but you can’t be hard on yourself, we need you in your best form our daughter needs you in your best form.”

This was all so frustrating because you couldn’t remember the things that made you, you; the things that made you smile, brought you happiness, or things in general you supposed. Bucky had probably the biggest part in who you were today, and it killed you that you couldn’t remember it, remember him.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you Buck, but I really don’t deserve you.”

“Hey,” he murmurs fingers finding its way under your chin, “let me be the one to determine that, sweetheart, I’ve loved you for many years now, and I don’t know how you decided to give me a chance despite everything and everyone trying to keep us apart, but I am thankful for it every day, you might not remember the love we shared, but give me a chance to show it to you, and I promise you’re going to feel that same love I’ve always had for you.”

You’re smiling at him through your tears, “gotta stop looking at me like that sweetheart, I won’t be able to hold myself from you.”

Your hands come to grasp at his face, fingers rubbing over the stubble, “so don’t.”

“Y/n, baby -”

You weren’t sure what came over you in that moment, maybe it was because for once, the feelings that you had felt in your flashback had come to light but you let yourself lean closer to him, closing what little distance there had been left between the two of you as you pressed your lips to his.

In that moment, as his lips moved against yours, you realized you were starting to remember what it felt like to love Bucky Barnes. It was small, a little glimmer of emotion but it was there and you were going to hold on to it for dear life.


	6. Month 5

_“Buck you should be getting back, Steve’s going to be pissed if you’re late again, you were only supposed to come home for lunch,” you murmured fingers running through his shortened locks, your other hand running languidly up and down the expanse of his naked back_

_“Doll Steve can wait, this can’t, he’s not the one that owns the shop,” comes his reply, lips ghosting over the bare skin of your chest, “I just want to spend some time with my girl.”_

_He continued to trail his lips along your skin, your body squirming just beneath his, “Buck,” you moan breathlessly, “you’d just have a few more hours at work, then you’d be right back in my arms, am I really worth the trouble Steve’s going to give you,” a gasp leaves your lips after the question as he nipped at the skin of your neck._

_He pulls away to look at you, fingers running over your features, “you’re worth any trouble Steve or Sam will give me sweetheart,” he leans down to press a chaste kiss to your lips, “besides I know those two won’t mind the shop being closed a little longer, it drags out their lunch, and I still need to have my dessert,” he trails off._

_“You’re insufferable James Buchanan Barnes” you murmured, eyes roaming his._

_“Think you mean insatiable baby,” he spoke into your neck, a kiss accentuating each word._

_Chills ran up your spine a giggle leaving your lips as you shy’d away from the feel, “ever the charmer aren’t you,” you teased fingers curling into his locks._

_He chuckled holding you tighter face hidden in your neck, you closed your eyes letting yourself enjoy the moment, savor the feeling of his body pressed tightly to yours._

_“I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to leave you.” he whispered into the afternoon._

_“I don’t want you to leave either,” you agreed, “but you have a job Buck, and the boy’s need you to run that shop, they may be the best mechanics alongside you, but they still need you, it’ll only be a few hours more.”_

_“I know sweetheart” he sighed “I’m just going to miss you so much i hate when you’re not with me.”_

_You smiled, “I’m going to miss you too buck, but like I said it’s just a few hours more at the shop with the boys and you’ll be right back.”_

_You could feel him huff against you your arms wrapping around his neck, “I love you Buck.” you spoke softly pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder._

_He pressed a smile to your skin “I love you too sweetheart,” he replied, his teeth nipping, “i love you so much.”_

A gasp left your lips as you shot up in the bed, the last remnants of sleep leaving your body as you looked around the room bathed in sunlight. You looked to the side where Bucky laid to find it empty.

Throwing the sheets off your body you make quick work of throwing on your robe and slippers, you’re bolting out of the room even quicker. You move over to your daughter’s nursery, lifting her already wiggling form from the crib.

You hold her tight to your chest, as you move through the house grabbing her diaper bag by the door, and the keys from the hook. You’re leaving the home quicker than you think you’ve ever managed, you’re not sure where it is you’re going but you’re relying on your broken mind to show it to you.

A choked noise leaves your lips as you pull up to the garage, the name out front, ‘Barnes Grease Shop’ flooding you with relief. Parking hastily, you’re sliding out of the car moving quickly to retrieve your daughter from the backseat.

You can hear drills inside of the opened garage, as you rush inside your daughte held tightly to your chest your lips pressed to her head.

Where is he. Where is he.

A shaggy haired blonde comes out of the office in the shop and you’re calling out to him knowingly, “Steve, where’s Bucky.”

The broad-shouldered man freezes in his tracks, his body is turning slightly eyes wide as he meets yours, “y/n,” he breathes.

“Steve where’s Bucky please I need to see,” a choked gasp, “I need to -”

“Everything alright over here,” you hear his voice call out, but you’re not sure he’s spotted from where you stood just a few feet from Steve.

It’s not until he’s right by Steve’s side that your eyes are meeting, your eyes immediately begin to tear, he doesn’t waste a second more as he closes the last few feet between the two of you. His hands are on you in an instant

“baby, you’re crying, what happened, what are you doing here,” he spoke softly his thumb running under your eyes, your eyes slipped shut at the feeling.

“It was another memory,” you assured, opening your eyes, “I just you weren’t there when I woke up, and I - I just needed you.”

“Was it a sad one,” he questioned worried about the tears tracking down your cheeks.

You shook your head, “No, we were together in bed, you didn’t want to come back to work, said you didn’t want to leave me, that you never wanted to leave me.”

“Well the dream got one thing right baby, I don’t ever want to leave you,” he murmurs hand stroking over your cheek, “why are you crying though was it too much,” he questioned.

You nodded your head slightly, you had found yourself crying a lot these days when Bucky was away at work but those other days you were able to handle yourself better, “Lately it’s been happening more often than not that when i dream, when I dream of you i can feel all the emotions that come with that one moment in time, it’s overwhelming, it – it never happened before.”

“Hey Buck why don’t you take the day, head home with your girls we don’t have a list of cars lined up Sammy and I can handle it.”

You’re looking over Bucky’s shoulder, “no that’s okay Stevie, I can’t be keeping Bucky from work, I know I did it a lot back then or at least from what I recall.”

Bucky’s looking between you and Steve wide-eyed, his eyes meet yours, “baby did you just recognize Steve,” he breathes, “you - you called him Stevie.”

“She knew my name when she got here, it came to her so easily I didn’t- I didn’t think she would.”

You hadn’t realized just how easily it had come to you, how easily you could recognize the once smaller man.

“You’ve really grown into your body haven’t you.”

The statement is surprising all of you Steve letting out a choked laugh, “I just want to hug you,” he breathes.

You’re surprising Bucky further as you pass him your daughter without hesitation, your feet carrying you over to Steve, arms winding around his form.

Steve is familiar, there is something about him that is so inviting.

“Not getting into anymore bar fights are you?”

Your both letting out a choked laugh, tears brimming your eyes because why was it so easy to remember this, to remember Steve, to remember about the fiesty kid from Brooklyn Bucky had told you about.

Steve’s squeezing you close, his head falling over yours, “why can’t I remember him Stevie,” he squeezes you a little tighter, “you will y/n, I promise you will, there’s no forgetting a love like yours.”

Since the day at the shop Steve had become a regular in your life, well Steve and Sam had, the reunion with Sam had been bitter sweet the word, ‘birdbrain’ leaving your lips the moment he had peeked out of one of the rooms in the back searching for Bucky and Steve. You just couldn’t grasp why your brain let you remember Sam and Steve to of your closest friends but it wouldn’t let you fully remember the man that you married, the man that you had a child with, the man your heart once loved so fiercely.

Are you two busy? 

**Just winding down from a gym session with Cap, what’s up?**

**_What Sam said!_ **

I’m desperate guys nothing is working anymore, nothing I do is helping me remember Bucky any quicker.

_**Have you all tried sticking to your old routine?** _

Almost every night, but its not doing anything anymore, and I’m just I’m frustrated.

_**I’m sure its going to come to you eventually y/n, don’t be hard on yourself sweetheart.** _

**Frustrated, babe, you know what you need to do when you’re feeling frustrated. What are you and Tinman doing right now?**

In bed.. Why Samuel?

**_Oh god please don’t say it Sam pl-_ **

**One word y/n, fuck his brains out.**

**_Oh god he said it_ **

Samuel Wilson!!!

**What?? You said you were frustrated, and nothing is triggering a memory, maybe a mind blowing orgasm will do the job.**

Oh god, I am done with you two.

**_Second that.._ **

**The two of you know nothing, y/n go get your man, thank me later.**

“Jesus,” you groaned chucking your phone to the side, Bucky looked over at you, “you alright sweetheart?”

“Did Sam always lack a filter,” you questioned head turning to meet his.

Bucky’s chuckling low as he turns his body to face yours, “depends on the person he was talking to, why that who you were talking too?”

Your nodding your head cheeks flaming, “he said and I quote ‘one word y/n fuck his brains out’

Bucky’s eyes widen, breath catching in his throat, “he what now,” he rushes out, “sweetheart you don’t have to do that sams just-”

“but what if I wanted too” you murmur words hanging.

Bucky’s pushing onto his arm, “sweetheart, uh, I don’t know that that’s a good idea.”

A sigh leaves your lips, “I just want to remember, Buck, and nothings been helping I’m frustrated, and I just want to forget this broken mind, I-”

“hey,” he murmurs hand falling to your cheek, “your mind is not broken, and I know things have been slow but look at all the progress you’ve made since you got here babe, you are a perfect mom to our daughter, and day by day you’re growing more comfortable with me, with us, I know it isn’t where you want to be, but you’re doing so good.” “You remembered Steve and Sam, sweetheart you’re remembering much more than you know, it’s all going to come to you soon enough, but you can’t be hard on yourself.”

You nod your head in understanding, “will you – will you still touch me?”

His head tilts to the side, his heart aching in his chest because he wants nothing more than to take you, but he worries what might come of it. And its like you see the concern, see the inner battle hes fighting, “I won’t freak out, I just - I trust you, and I want this, I want this with you.”

And who was Bucky barnes to deny his wife?

His hand cups the sides of your face, thumb running over the expanse of skin, “the second you want to stop you give me the word and we’re stopping understand,” he questions. You’re nodding your head, breath lodged in your throat as you lean forward to press your lips to the underside of his chin, “I understand, please,” you murmur, your head tilts to the side as he explores over the expanse of your neck.

“i’ve got you sweetheart, don’t you worry,” he murmurs hands pulling down the sheets, “I’m not going to do anything you’re not comfortable with, ”

A breathy chuckle falls from your lips as he lays you back into the bed, “i trust you,” and you did.

“Tell me what you want sweetheart, what you’re comfortable with,” he murmurs his body falling over yours, your body dipping further into the bed. 

“I want you to touch me the way you always would, make me feel the things you would make me feel before all this.” 

He’s pressing a kiss to your lips, “please don’t be afraid to tell me if you’ve changed your mind, I don’t want to scare you.”

You’re shaking your head, breath labored “please buck, I -I trust you.”

He’s pressing another chaste kiss to your lips before he’s pulling the sheets from your body completely. His body falling between your parted legs. You watch with baited breath as he trails up your legs, beard rubbing against the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. 

His fingers bunch up your silk night shirt, “you still good sweetheart,” he questions and when you nod your head he continues to bunch the material up around your waist his teeth nipping at your inner thigh making you jolt up the bed.

“Bucky please,” you murmur body quivering as his fingers trail along your heated skin.

“What do you want baby,” he whispers index finger trailing over the crotch of your lace panties, he looks up at you then, “you want my fingers baby?”

You’re nodding your head though his eyes meeting yours from where he’s perched between your legs, “yes please,” you groan, though it quickly dissipates into a low moan as his lips press themselves against your lace covered pussy, “o-oh god,” you moan, head falling back to the pillow fingers curling around the sheets.

“You okay sweetheart, you want me to keep going,” he questions, fingers hooking into the side of your panties exposing you to the cool air of the room, “because if you want me to stop,” he murmurs tongue peeking out to run over the slick of you folds.

“no, please don’t, don’t stop,” you moan.

“I’ve got you babe,” he murmurs, his tongue pushing passed your folds circling your clit. 

Your hands release the grip on the sheets finding their way to the back of his head, your own thrown back in pleasure, “please, please bucky” you breathed a whimper escaping past your lips. 

“that’s my girl, my beautiful girl” he murmurs into slick heat of your fold’s lips, a moan tears from your lips as his mouth flattens against your heat, lips sucking at your clit. 

Your head thumps against the bed once more, toes curling in your heels, “oh god, right there, ohhh” you moan hips rolling against his hands. 

He continues to bring you pleasure as he works his mouth over you, tongue dipping into your heat. Fingers tangle through the loose locks of his hair as you push into his mouth body falling over the edge. 

A loud moan tears from your lips, as your orgasm rocks through you, “FUCK,” you moan sucking in a breath, walls fluttering as he continues to work you through it, your body thrumming with pleasure.

Your body goes lax against the bed breath coming out in warm puffs.

Bucky kisses his way up your semi dressed body, lips finding yours, his tongue gliding with yours letting you taste yourself on his tongue, a low groan falls from your lips, your hands wrapping around the back of his neck. 

Bucky swallows the moan that falls from your lips tongues dancing slowly with one another, hands roaming down the curve of your body, fingers pressing into your waist as he pulls his lips away from yours, a gasp falling from his lips as he pulls air back into his lungs.

Your hips are rocking against his needing to feel the weight of his cock against your aching core, a shiver rolls through him at the low moan falling from your lips, his dick twitching with want. His head presses to yours eyes connecting, a warm smile pulls at your lips, fingers sliding across his face, finding their way into his hair as you pull him down. “I need you Buck, please, I need to feel you, I just want to feel you, I want to remember something anything,” you whisper lips brushing against his. He wastes no time as he works a hand between your bodies, fingers working off his pajama bottoms, pulling his cock from its confines

His hand hooks around your thigh bringing it up to rest around his hips. A moan is falling from both your lips as the new position allows for the head of his cock to press into your folds, his hips roll forward the tip brushing against your aching clit.

Hand leaving your thigh it snakes its way between your bodies to grab a hold of his cock. Dragging it through your slick folds he presses into your warm heat, a moan is falling from your lips as he bottoms out, your lips connecting with his.

“Fuck sweetheart,” he moans against your lips, “missed you so much, but I swore I would never push, didn’t want to scare you, didn’t want you to run away from me again.”

He doesn’t move at first enjoying the feeling of you fluttering and clenching around him. He’s lost on you and how you feel around him, everything about you is so damn beautiful. His wife, his beautiful, beautiful wife. His hands come up to cup your cheek, thumb running over the swell of your lower lip, “so fucking beautiful, y/n I love you so much baby, so fucking much” he murmurs.

Your breath hitches in your throat, heart swelling in your chest, “please move, bucky, baby I need you to move,” you reply your own hands running over stubble of his beard.

His hips retreat from yours, cock sliding out from within you till only the tip is left. His lips are pressing to yours, hips surging forward as he builds up a slow rhythm. Your hands leave his face to wrap around his back, fingers digging into the warm skin there pulling him impossibly closer to you. Low grunts are falling from his lips as he fucks up into you, your other leg hooking around his waist to get him deeper. 

His head finds its way to your neck lips searching out that hidden sweet spot that will have you coming undone in his arms, his thrusts have picked up speed, a steady speed which draws the sweetest groans of pleasure falling from your lips. He could listen to those sounds falling from your sinful lips for the rest of his life if you would let him.

His lips draw away from your neck needing to see you fall apart from him as he continues to bring you closer to that sweet release. Your lips are parted open, eyes covered over in lust, but there’s something more there, something that has his heart stalling in his chest, because he swears, you’re looking at him like he just hung the stars for you.

“gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous,” he whispers to himself, “look at you sweetheart,” he grunts hips picking up speed, “you’re an absolute angel,”

A moan is catching in your throat, “I love you Bucky,” you murmur voice wavering with his thrusts. His hand searches for yours on the bed grasping it in his as he pushes you deeper into the bed, his whole body consuming you.

He’s thrusting hard, deep, burying himself in you, your walls fluttering around him as your orgasm approaches. Your head pushes forward, lips finding his shoulder as you kiss the scarred skin there, an intimate motion that has Bucky’s head reeling. 

“Bucky please,” you whine low in your throat, pressing warm wet kisses into his skin. He picks up speed needing to bring you to that release, a particularly deep thrust has you falling apart around him, your body falling over the edge, your orgasm washing over you. Long low moans are falling from your parted lips, fingers clawing at Bucky’s back as he fucks you through the pleasure. His name falls from your lips in a silent prayer, you’re pleading, you need to feel him, you need him to cum for you.

Bucky pushes your further into the mattress, his jaw clenching as his orgasm washes over him, his stomach muscles tense, as he spills into you, warm spurts filling your core, he never wants this feeling to end, and it never will he thinks.

Your arms are pulling him down, his head falling to your sweat slicked chest, your heart beating away wildly beneath his head. Your fingers run through his chocolate locks, lips pressing into his hair, “did you mean it,” he questions, after awhile, your finger still in his hair, “did you mean it when you said you loved me?”

Though your breath is lodged in your throat, you find it easy to press you lips to his hair, “i did,” you murmur, “i could learn to love you the way I once did.”


	7. Month 6

“Y/n, are you okay hun, you need a moment?”

You looked up to see Liv watching you with concern, clouded blue with specks of green stared back.

“Are you okay,” she asked once more, and the way she spoke had you seeming like you were a bomb on the verge of detonating any minute and in a way you were.

“I just don’t get it,” you whispered quietly.

“What do you mean, what don’t you get,” She questioned, her tone soft as she shifted closer to you.

“How could I forget him,” you questioned, “he was my everything; he was my partner, my best friend, the father to our little girl, he was my whole world,” you were growing agitated, “why is it so hard to remember him,” you paused taking in deep breath through your nose, “I just don’t understand how through these flashbacks and or my dreams I feel this overwhelming number of emotions for him yet when I come back or wakeup I feel nothing,” you were crying now, the tears flowing freely down your face.

“Have you remembered something new from the last time we met,” she questioned.

“That’s the thing Liv, I’m not remembering anything, and that’s all I want, I want to remember him, I want to be comfortable with him, I want to love him,” you sobbed out, “I just want to be able to remember my life with him.”

“Hey, hey, come on now, let’s bring it in, give me some deep breaths hun, I need you to calm down.” Liv cooed rubbing your arm comfortingly, “would you like to me to call him, or would you like to call him, see if we can get him to come out here” she questioned, “I’m sure he’ll come right out.”

“No, god no” You rushed out eyes going wide in panic as you stared up at her, Bucky didn’t know you were meeting with her, much less that she had become a confidant, “I’m fine, I’ll be fine, I asked for your help with this, let me just get my emotions together I promise I’ll be fine, just please don’t call him, he doesn’t know I’m doing this.”

Liv sighed as she slid in closer, “look y/n, you’re going to remember him, there’s no forgetting a man that loves you as deeply as he does and trust me, that man loves you, you’ll remember him soon enough the doctor has said as much anyway hasn’t she,” you’re nodding your head slowly, body slumping slightly, “well then you see, let it come to you, but you shouldn’t stress yourself like this, it’s not good to you, when it happens,” she hummed, “it’ll be fucking magical.”

A snort fell from your lips as you laughed through the tears in your eyes, you looked up at your newest friend, “thank you,” you breathed, “thank you for being here for me, I honestly wasn’t sure how you were going to respond to my request the day I showed up at the doctor’s office.”

She’s smiling brightly then, her hand coming up to rub at your shoulder, “If I’m being honest, I’m a little invested in you and Bucky, have been since your first session with the doctor,”

“first session,” you question, because you remembered your first session with the doctor at the beginning of all this and Bucky hadn’t been there.

“Yeah, that’s actually how I got to know him, and well you a little more,” she replied, “and m’not sure if he’s told you this yet, but every session you had he was always there, always found him sitting with your daughter in her carrier right outside the office doors.” 

Your brows furrowed, you didn’t remember seeing him after your sessions, “outside the office, but - I never saw him.”

She’s giving you a sad smile then, “yeah I’d help him move to the waiting room a few minutes before your session was over; I never agreed with it, but god bless his soul he didn’t want to get into an altercation with your mother and scare you any further, had either of you caught sight of him.”

“h-he was there all along,” you questioned voice coming out shaky.

She’s nodding her head softly, “s’actually how I got to know him and your little girl, granted couldn’t linger for long, but the bit of time I was able to squeeze in here and there, I can tell he loves you, he wouldn’t be doing everything he is if he didn’t.”

“What’s wrong?” 

“You mean besides the obvious,” you muttered halfheartedly. 

Liv pulled you into a side hug, “Oh y/n, its going to be okay, everything is going to fall into place,” she murmured fingers squeezing your arm comfortingly, “you just need to stay strong no matter how hard times like this get, if you need me you can call or text me, you’re not alone in this I promise, we’re all here for you,” she spoke eyes meeting yours.

“And I’m grateful for all of you, I really am, I just,” a sigh, “I just wish I could remember more of him, remember more than the little I’ve been getting recently.”

Her hands are running up and down your arm again, “I get it, I do, and it’ll come to you y/n don’t give up hope just hold on.”

Your giving her a half smile, “thanks for meeting me again, with Steve and Sam working it’s hard to be able to meet them without worrying that Bucky might question what it is I’m doing, I don’t want him to know I’ve been struggling.”

“I’m sure he would understand y/n, Bucky’s one of the good guys.”

You sigh, “I know, I’m just scared, what if all this extra I’m doing will be for nothing, what if I don’t remember him.”

“Hey let’s not think like that,” liv murmurs trying to steer the conversation back, “listen if it happens that you don’t remember him – which I doubt will be the case, then you can let yourself fall all over again,” she adds, “he’s not hard on the eyes y/n I’m sure you won’t have trouble there.”

Soft laughter falls from your lips, “thank you again,” you reply, “I know you don’t have to be here, but I also knew there was something about you from that time in the hospital.”

“it’s really no problem,” she replies, “your mothers a bit of a nightmare, I usually don’t snap as easily, but hey she had it coming, m’sorry you had to see that by the way.”

You’re shaking your head, a warm smile pulling at your lips, “no your right she did deserve it, shes been showing me her true colors recently, though i’m certain they’ve always been there.”

“Figured,” she laughs, “say you wanna get going already I’m sure you don’t want to be away from your little girl for too long.”

Nodding your head, the two of you are pushing off the bench that had become your spot to meet, you really were grateful for your newest friend, like Bucky she didn’t push you to remember, and unlike Sam or Steve she wasn’t teasing you about things you wanted to try with bucky, nurse Liv had become a perfect medium for your chaotic life. She understood your struggles, and tried her best to offer you what she felt might work best. 

It was getting harder to hold onto faith that you would remember though, things were not coming as quickly as they once had, and you were beginning to struggle to hold onto the things you would remember. It’s why you sought out the extra help, sought her out, asked her for help outside of the practice, you were ready for her to outright turn you away, to show you the door, but she surprised you when she said to meet her during her lunch.

You hadn’t told Bucky about this though, about your new found friendship, you were worried about what you might see when you told him you weren’t remembering things as quickly anymore. While he still frequented your dreams, the memories that had greeted you sometime throughout your day to leave you in a fit of tears had seem to stop altogether, and it was overwhelming, you had relied on those to give you something, anything.

“you sure you’ll be okay going to pick up your girl, I can always take you to go get her, and then bring the two of you back here.”

“it’s not far from here,” came your answer, “I’m sure I can get to her and home with no problem.”

Liv is nodding her head, a warm smile pulling at her lips, “well alright, and hey if you need me at all for whatever reason you know I’m a text away,” a smile pulls at your lips, “and hey, talk to Bucky about this, let him know what’s been going on I know he’ll understand.”

You worry at your lower lip watching as she opens her car door, you didn’t know if you had the strength to tell him just yet.

“I don’t know that I can do that, at least not yet,” you add, “I’m worried about what I might see.”

“well you won’t know if you don’t try y/n.”

Her reply is simple, but it strikes something in you, and you know, you know you need to talk to him, but you’re just scared.

You can only offer her a curt nod watching as she shuts the door, your about to wave her off when you hear the click of her engine. Your brows furrow, and her car door is swinging open, “car won’t turn on,” she groans.

Your stomach drops slightly at her words, “what do you thinks wrong with it, you wanna try it one more time, maybe it just didn’t catch the first time,” but you knew that wasn’t the case.

You watch her dip back in keys turning, the clicking sounds again, you can hear her curse under her breath, “pretty sure it’s the battery,” she mutters, “you don’t think you could get Bucky to come out here do you?”

Shit, shit, shit.

“i - uh yeah, yeah let me text him,” you text Steve.

It’s not that you didn’t want Bucky to come to your rescue, but when he sees who you’re with the questions were likely to start, and it’s something you just weren’t ready for, you weren’t ready for the disappointment.

Your heart drops into your stomach when the tow truck pulls up to your location in record time.

It only sinks further when you catch Bucky stepping off the truck, lips set in a thin line, Steve following.

“We’ll talk when I get home,” is Bucky’s only form of acknowledgement to you, as he moves over to Liv.

Steve stops in front of you next, “m’sorry y/n I told him you texted me, I tried to tell him it would be a quick fix but he wouldn’t listen, he was worried the second your name left my lips,” he adds, “and I may have accidently said you had asked for me to come by myself that you didn’t want him tagging along.”

Your eyes shut, as you curse under your breath, “Jesus Steve, did you really have to add that last part,” you groaned eyes snapping open to glare at the shaggy man.

“Hey you’re the one tha-”

Your brows are furrowing, “that what Steve, what,” you question, “what is it?”

Your eyes are following his slightly large ones, his sight set on Liv who’s speaking quietly with Bucky, “w-who’s that?”

A sigh leaves your lips as their eyes are meeting yours, “she’s the one I didn’t want Bucky to find out about,” you answer watching as Bucky waves Steve over.

The disappointment you were most worried about seeing is now there for a different reason. Bucky can’t seem to meet your eyes as he works to get the battery replaced for you new found friend. Steve and Liv are there to try and keep you grounded and from freaking out, but its to no avail as they have seemed to found an interest in one another instead.

It’s cute really, to see the two stumble over their words around one another, it gives you something to keep your mind from going to the darker places.

Hearing Steve try to woo the blue-eyed woman warms your heart, but bless Steve’s soul because as smooth as he could be under the engine of the vehicles he worked on, it didn’t always translate to other parts of his life, like right now.

“could I possibly get your number,” Liv questions, and Steves eyes widen only slightly going between you and your friend.

“uh- excuse me?”

The two of you stifle your laughter, “Sorry I meant the shops number,” she clarifies, and Steve’s face falls only slightly, “but,” she adds “I wouldn’t be opposed to getting yours as well.”

Both their faces warm, and you can’t help but to smile at the sight, Steve goes to answer but Bucky is gliding over to the three of you keys in hand, “it should be good to go, and if you ever need assistance, I’m sure Steven here will give you his number.”

It’s a teasing gesture, one that has the group of you chuckling slightly, but as soon as Bucky’s eyes fall to yours, the moment dies, at least between the two of you. You have an urge to reach out to him to tell him what’s going on, why you wanted to keep this from him but you’re scared.

His eyes are falling away from yours, and to Steve, “I’ll be waiting in the truck, I’ll see you at home y/n,” he murmurs not bothering to meet your eye as he stalks off to the truck.

Steve and Liv feel the tension between the two of you, Steve is sighing rubbing at the back of his head, “m’really sorry about that y/n, I should have gone about it differently, I should have worded it differently.”

Your shaking your head trying your hardest to keep the tears at bay, “it’s okay Steve, I should have listened to Liv, I should have told him, there’s no one to blame here except me.”

Liv is reaching out to you, hand squeezing your arm, “its not your fault, your feelings were valid here.”

Your offering her a small smile, “i should go pick up our girl and head home, I think I’ve had enough for one day.”

They’re both giving you a sympathetic look as you move towards your car, “don’t forget to give her your number Steven,” you call over you shoulder.

And his easy answer of “wouldn’t dream of it,” has the two of them blushing once more as you offer them one single wave.

The drive from picking up your daughter, then to your shared home is a long one. The only thing grounding you from going into your mind and filling yourself further with worry is that of your daughter’s soft coos.

You can’t begin to place what had happened to you in the past month, you knew that you and Bucky had been in a good place, but then when the dreams had come less and less, and the memories didn’t seem to hit when they should have you had begun to retreat in on yourself.

But all for the same reason of not wanting to hurt the man in front of you, Bucky loved you so endlessly, you didn’t want to disappoint him by giving him the news that you just weren’t remembering. You wanted to love him, wanted to love him like you had before, but you couldn’t and that scared you more than words could express. 

It made you feel like you had failed, you hadn’t even made a promise, but when you told him you loved him and that you could learn to love him, you had meant that. And that’s where you had felt like you had failed. You knew you had loved Bucky Barnes with all your heart, you just wish you could remember what that actually felt like.

You felt like you couldn’t continue with this routine for much longer. Eventually something would happen, either you were going to remember or you weren’t and deep down you were too scared to admit the possibility of you never remembering him was getting greater as the days passed you. Bucky tried to help you, he was always supportive, and understanding when he would retell you a memory of an activity you had done before, or on those nights when it got to be too much and he would hold you close in the comfort of your bed.

You felt the longer you continued to do this, to push yourself in hopes of remembering him in some way you would just be leading him on, and Bucky didn’t deserve that. He deserved to be loved and it seemed that no matter how hard you tried you weren’t able to do that. You were holding onto what little emotions you had for him with all your might. This was the only reason you hadn’t left yet, because you knew deep down, buried somewhere within you that you loved him. You just couldn’t find that part of you and bring it to the surface like your heart ached for you too.

You couldn’t lie to yourself and pretend not to notice the looks he stole when he thought you weren’t paying attention. You couldn’t pretend that he was avoiding the very obvious possibility that the two of you might never have what you once had before. You couldn’t turn a blind eye to the underlying sadness in his eyes. It scared you to let your mind wander to the possibility of while you were trying your hardest to remember how to love him that he was slowly falling out of love with you. Maybe yours and Buckys love was never meant to be, maybe it wasn’t as strong as the two of you had thought, maybe this was supposed to happen.  
  


Maybe this was a sign, maybe this was why you had begun to hold him at arm’s length.   
  


You sighed softly as you leaned back into the couch frowning at the phone cradled in your hands, your daughter snoozing on her pillow beside you. Bucky was still out of the house, even though the hour for his arrival had already come.  
  
Another sigh escaped your lips as you got up from the couch softy, not wanting to wake your sleeping daughter. You turned into the hallway your eyes scanning the various photos hung on the wall passing them in hopes of sparking a memory of some sort. As usual nothing happened, yet you continued to walk the hall touching and skimming the photos till you reached the last one.

Making your way into your shared bedroom you continued to glance around, using the time that Bucky was out of the house to hopefully trigger a memory or flashback of some sort. You let out another sigh, something you had been doing a lot of lately. Running your fingers along the wall you stopped by the windows in your room stopping at the small bookshelf positioned right in between the two. The bookshelf held various knickknacks with the occasional picture or two.

  
Letting out a frustrated sigh at nothing hitting you, you took in a deep breath, telling yourself that you needed to relax, that you would remember, that it would happen eventually. You just needed to keep holding on.

You jumped as you heard the front door slam shut.  
  
Bucky was home.


	8. Month 7

“Y/n,” he called out taking notice of your sleeping daughter on the couch, he was quick in moving her into the small playpen, her small form not stirring as he placed her down on the cot.

“In here,“ you called out voice wavering from the unshed tears. 

His feet carry him to your shared room, eyes locking as he stands by the door, he looks somewhat calmer now, “hey sweetheart,” he murmurs, a small tired smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“hey, how was work,” you asked him swallowing down the lump in your throat.

“It was a slow day today, couldn’t really keep my mind focused on the tasks at hand but we got through it.” 

Your face falls slightly knowing that you were probably the reason for this, “I’m so sorry about that Bucky, I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have told Steve to tel you to stay behind, that was wrong of me.”

Bucky makes his way further into the room, “you want to tell me what that was about?” 

“I-” could you really do this, could you really tell him what was going on, were you prepared for the disappoint and pain that would likely greet you?

“Doll,” he repeated getting closer, “are you okay?” 

“I’m fine Buck, just I need to get my thoughts together,” you murmured trying to blink away the tears. 

“Sweetheart why are you crying you can talk to me, you don’t have to push me away,” He murmurs his fingers finding their way to his chin to get you to look at him.

Your eyes met his for a brief second, but a second long enough to see the concern etched on his features, you had to look away. “Sweetheart, talk to me,” he pleaded, “tell me what’s going on,” and even though your heart was still racing from your episode earlier his voice alone caused those welcomed butterflies to burst throughout your stomach. 

“Bucky, I promise I’m fine, just please give me some time,” you said pulling your chin from his grasp as you stood making your way back to your daughter.

Apparently, you couldn’t do it.

“Y/n, wait, doll talk to me, did you have another memory, has something happened that you feel you can’t tell me, that you have to be meeting with nurse liv on the side,” he questioned quickly, the desperation in his voice seeping through. 

“No Bucky, I didn’t have another memory, and who I see in the side is none of your concern,” you muttered harshly and therein lied the problem, you weren’t having memories no matter what you tried.

“Oh,” was the lone word that pushed past his lips. You braced yourself against the back of the couch, grounding yourself, trying to suck in a breath for the one lodged in your throat. 

The two of you were silent for a moment, Bucky standing in the hallway a few feet away from you, he was giving you space, his face was contorted into a deep frown, “Where is all the coming from y/n,” he questioned, “why are you suddenly acting like this, I thought we were doing fine, that our relationship was starting to grow, you – you said you loved me, that you could learn to love me.”

“I know what I said Bucky, but I can’t, and what relationship,” you cried, “I can’t remember anything,” you growled unable to control the words flowing from your mouth. They were hurtful, unforgiving, but he needed to see the truth, he had to understand, even if it meant he was going to get hurt. 

He sighed, “ you will y/n, I promise you will,” he assured, though his words were meant to convey one thing the frown on his face conveyed something else, it conveyed the doubts. 

“You don’t know that, you can’t know that,” you whispered voice wavering. 

Another moment of silence passed over the two of you, Bucky released a silent breath, his frame falling, “where is this coming from y/n, why are you being like this,” he questioned brows furrowed. 

“Being like what Buck, like someone who doesn’t know a damn thing about her life, who doesn’t remember the man she’s married to, the one I have a beautiful daughter with,” you hissed, “I’m sorry,” you growled throwing your hands in the air, “I didn’t realize there was a way that I should be handling all of this,” you spoke out your body pacing the length of the couch, “what’s the point, why should I even try,” you questioned quietly. 

“What,” he breathed out, voice coated in shock, “why should you try, what’s the point,” he questioned back exasperated he needed to know he heard you right. 

“Why do you stay Bucky, there’s a chance that I may never remember you again, yet here you are, why,” you questioned voice still harsh despite the tears that had now started to fall freely from your eyes. 

His face warped into anger, “I’m not going anywhere y/n, why the hell can’t you see that,” he growled, “I know what you’ve been doing, and you must think I’m oblivious, but I see you pushing yourself away from me, I know your hiding things from me, not telling me things and I can’t even begin to understand why,” he sucked in an angry breath steeling himself before continuing, “stop worrying about hurting me, you couldn’t possibly hurt me, I need you to open your eyes and realize that I am not going anywhere, I’m in this for the long run,” he shouted his ocean eyes clouded over with anger. 

A scoff left your lips, “my eyes are open, but apparently I’m the only one,” you hissed, “can’t you see Bucky, do you not understand, I don’t remember, I don’t fucking remember,” you cried out, “and I may never remember, and what are you going to do then huh,” you questioned, “what the fuck are you going to do then!” 

The shouting match between the two of you continued, you weren’t angry at each other, you were mad at your situation. Your other emotions had come up, taking over, your anger being released through the feelings you both had held back for so long. The two of you were desperate, angry, but not at each other, no, never at each other. 

“Goddamnit y/n, you will remember,” he growled, “maybe if you would stop being so negative, and for once saw the positive in things!” 

“No Bucky,” you growled back matching his fervor, “why are you fighting this so hard, you don’t have -” 

“I don’t have to do shit , I’m not giving up on this, on us , on you,” he yelled, “ I can’t fucking lose you, I cannot lose you ,” he voiced, “i love you y/n , I will always love you, even if I have to make you fall in love with me all over again, I’ll do whatever it takes because I love you ,” 

“stop doing that,” you cried out, more tears pooling at your eyes. 

“stop doing what,” he yelled voice coated in exhaustion. 

“How can you love me,” you questioned voice cracking, “I don’t even know who I am anymore,” you cried out, tears spilling from your eyes. 

“sweetheart trust me there’s no forgetting who you are,” he responded sternly, eyes filled with conviction. 

“I can’t remember who you are,” you confessed through a choked sob. 

His face fell, “you have to baby, you loved me, just the way I loved you, the way I still do, please y/n you have to remember, you have to remember me,” he pleaded his eyes clouding over with tears causing yours to fall faster. 

This was the first time throughout this whole ordeal that he had asked, no, begged you to remember him. It had always been words of encouragement telling you that it would take time but not once had he ever asked you to remember. You realized in that moment that this was it, there was no going back. Bucky had finally reached his breaking point and as you looked up at him with tear filled eyes, watching his finally spill over, you lost it. 

“I can’t remember Bucky, I can’t remember, and I’ve been trying so hard,” you cried out your heart breaking, “I just want to remember you, but I just can’t ,” your voice had dropped to a broken whisper, battered breaths echoing in the silent kitchen.

There was no controlling the chaotic sobs that wracked your body, no way of stopping the overflow of tears as he walked over to you, his own tear-stricken face filled with sorrow, eyes tired and lifeless. You had never seen a man so broken, so defeated before this moment. Bucky continued to you, till he was right in front of you. His hands slowly reach up cradling your head softly, he leaned down placing his forehead against your, his ragged breath hitting your face, more tears fell from your eyes as you realized just how much he was hurting. You had been right, he had been hiding his pain very well, so well that you could clearly see it bursting at the seams now. If your heart hadn’t already been broken, the final piece had pulled apart, your heart falling into the depths of your stomach. 

“Please,” he gasped out through a broken sob, “please baby, please, "he pleaded. You brought your hands up placing them over his both of your bodies shaking with the sobs that tore through the two of you. “I miss you so much sweetheart, I need you, please,” he gasped again, “please come back to me.” 

You couldn’t find the words, even if you had the strength to speak, you wouldn’t know what to say. 

Instead, you did the only thing you could think to do in this moment. You pushed up onto your toes pressing your lips firmly to his . You wanted this to be it, you wanted things to end right here, wanted the memories to hit at the moment your lips touched, but as you pulled away more tears fell, there was nothing. 

“I’m sorry,” you sobbed barely audible against the sobs shaking your core. You pulled away from him completely watching as his arms fell limp to his sides. “I can’t,” you went to turn away from him. 

You didn’t get far as you had hoped, because he was right there to pull you back, your form turning into his. You couldn’t get a broken word out before His lips were crashing down onto yours, body pushing you up against the counter, this kiss alone knocking you off your feet if it hadn’t been for him holding you up. Bucky put everything into this kiss; his feelings, fears, doubts, dreams, his hopes , you could taste it all. Your lips responded In fervor hoping that it would say just as much as his did. It was in this kiss, this heated kiss, that you found everything you had been searching for, everything that you had been missing and it was like nothing your were expecting. 

His kiss blindsided you. 

_✨_

_“You can’t tell me that the reason you come to this little bookshop is to pick out your favorite book,” you laughed as your eyes scanned the shelves before you._

_“and why is that,” he questions body leaning on the shelf, eyes scanning your face._

_Your eyes finally meet his, “James -”_

_“Call me Bucky.”_

_Your roll your eyes though a smile still pulls at your lips, “fine, Bucky, I’ve managed to ‘bump’ into you every day this past week, and rather than have your eyes set on the shelves, they’ve manage to be set on me.”_

_“well that’s because I’ve found my favorite story.”_

_You raise a brow, “ours.”_

_✨_

_“James,” you drawled, eyes not leaving the book in your hands._

_“sugar we’ve been through this I told you to call me Bucky,” he grinned._

_You placed the book in your hands down brow raised, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips, “I agreed to this coffee date with you because you promised we could sit here in good company and read the books you chose for us.”_

_A smirk pulls at his lips, “isn’t that what we’re doing,” he questions._

_You laugh softly shaking your head, “that’s what I’m doing, you’re just staring.”_

_“well its only because I’ve found something much more interesting to look at.”_

_You raise a brow, heat flooding your cheeks, “you.”_

_Oh you were a goner for this man._

_✨_

_You exited the bathroom to see Steve waiting for you along the wall, he gave you a dopey, drunken smile throwing his arm over you as soon as you got close enough. He held onto you for support, and you couldn’t help but to laugh under your breath because this man swore he had tolerance. Exiting the bathroom hallway, you saw Natasha first her slim yet curvaceous figure leaning against the bar where you had left her. You saw Sam and Bucky next, but they weren’t alone, oh no, two females had sidled up to them their too short dresses had their boobs practically spilling out of their barely their outfits. You could see they were leaning in drunkenly breathing on the poor men. Sam and Bucky were looking back and forth between each other awkwardly even going as far as to try and get Natashas attention from where she stood._

_“Come on Stevie, your pals are drowning,” you muttered dragging him along, you hauled his rather massive form till you were close enough to throw him into Bucky’s side. You turned to the girls, “sorry girls, these boys are accounted for.”_

_The girls looked at you with dazed eyes, “we don’t see anyone claiming them.”_

_You turned to see Steve, Sam and Bucky’s face unamused, “are you all accounted for,” you questioned._

_The boys nodded their heads, you looked back to the stumbling women, “see, now why don’t you girls run along, there’s plenty of men by the pool tables, I’m sure you’ll find someone over there.”_

_The girls scoffed as they pulled away from the men on wobbly legs. The one closest to you rammed her shoulder into yours roughly sending you into Bucky’s arm’s you growled, “bitch.”_

_You went to go after her but Bucky’s arm fastened around you, “woah there short stack, let it go,” he chuckled into your ear._

_A shiver ran down your spine as you turned in his arms glaring at him “ let it go,” you questioned, “she was awful,” you muttered._

_Bucky pulled you closer, “maybe she was,” he agreed, “but she was just trying to score.”_

_You raised a brow at him, “ did you want her to score, because from where I was standing hauling Steve it didn’t seem like such,” you challenged._

_He smirked leaning closer to you, “sugar the only one I want to score with is in my arms already.”_

_Your lips parted slightly, “oh would you two just kiss already,” Sam slurred from where he was leaning against the bar._

_“You haven’t told them yet,” you questioned._

_He grinned, “was waiting for the perfect time,” he shrugged._

_“Well there’s no better time than right now,” you muttered hands coming up to tug at his shirt, your lips meeting his in a searing kiss._

_✨_

_“Buck how many time have we been in this book store and you seriously can’t recall the book your looking for,” you murmured as your eyes scanned the shelves before you._

_You heard a quiet grunt from the other side of the shelves, “sweetheart you should recall the only reason I came to this bookstore was because of you._

_You snorted softly, “you know as much as I believe that, was I really the only reason you would visit this little shop?”_

_You could hear him hum softly as you reached the end of the aisle your body already turning into the aisle he was in._

_You stopped mid stride eyes wide as a soft gasp fell from your mouth._

_Bucky was kneeled before you, a maroon velvet box in hand, a pretty little diamond nestled in the folds._

_“Buck,” you murmured, “babe what-”_

_He has a nervous smile on his face, as his hand reaches for your pulling you closer. “From the first time I saw you through the aisles you had me in a trance sweetheart. I just knew that I needed to get to know you, that I needed to be close to you. There was something that even from afar drew me to you, and I’m so glad I grew the balls that day I did and I approached you. I know your mother doesn’t approve of me, and I know you had a hard time at first falling for the likes of me, but I’m glad you took that leap and you let me catch you, that you let me show you the real me, to show you the love you deserve. Sweetheart there’s no one else I would want to read or write a novel with other than you, you’re it for me, I want it all with you.”_

_Tears are brimming your eyes, “sugar will you marry me?”_

_A choked sob is falling from your lips, he’s looking up at you with nothing but love in his heart._

_You’re nodding your head frantically as tears slide down the apples of your cheeks, “yes, yes of course I’ll marry you,” you cry._

_He’s standing then as he pulls the ring from its box, “it was my ma’s,” he whispers as he slides it onto your awaiting finger, “becca said if anyone was more deserving of this ring it was going to be you._

_“Oh Bucky,” you murmur looking from the ring, then back to him, “I love you so much,” you’re laughing through your tears as you fall into his embrace your lips meeting his._

“Bucky,” you gasped pulling away from the kiss your breath ragged but no longer because of the tears. 

He looked down at you with worried eyes, “what, what is it?” 

A surprise laugh escaped your lips, your eyes getting lost in his ocean blue ones, another set of fresh tears pulled at your eyes. 

“Bucky, I remember…” 

“Remember what,” He breathed, eyes widening the hope in them clear as day. 

“Everything.” 

Life is made up of moments, millions of tiny moments. These moments all added together make up your life. There’s the good, the bad, the sad, the ugly, there’s just so many moments that have made you who you are. There are also moments that are not only yours, moments in your life that you have shared with others who have also helped to shape you who you are today. It’s a peculiar thing to think about, to think that if that one moment had never happened your life would have been completely different. 

  
Had you not given Bucky the time of day when he first chose to approach you in that bookshop you might not have had another chance at meeting him. Then again, you knew he was persistent, especially when it came to you.

That moment in time was where everything had shifted for you, it changed your life. From that moment both your lives has seemingly became entwined. If you had never met Bucky Barnes your life would be completely different, you had no idea where you might be in life if this had been the case, but you didn’t want to imagine it. There was years of moments and memories shared with the man holding you tightly in his embrace.

In an instant all those moments had been taken away from you, pushed to the farthest, darkest, place in your mind that you couldn’t find. If the other car had never ran that red light, your memories would have never been taken from you. 

It had only taken one moment, a moment that happened in the blink of an eye. 

It also took one moment for you to regain everything you thought you had lost. One heated, tear stained kiss, was all it had taken. One kiss and suddenly a flurry of moments had hit you. It was overwhelming, unexpected, yet beautiful. Years of moments of not only you, but moments that you had shared with Bucky. 

There were many moments that had flashed behind your closed eyes, and in all of those moments this was the one you never wanted to end. 


	9. Month 8

You ran your hand along Bucky’s arm that was wrapped around you, his body pressed tightly against yours. His breath fanned across your neck goosebumps arising in its wake, you turn slowly in his arms snuggling closer to him. His eyes remained closed, his breathing still deep, the smallest hint of a smile present on his pink lips. Reaching up your hand you trailed your fingers along his jaw scratching the scruff that adorned it. He sucked in a breath rolling over slightly to lay flat on his back his arm pulling you with him. 

Smiling you leaned up on your elbow continuing your ministrations, your fingers gliding across his skin, dancing down his neck, across his collarbone. Not quite liking the angle, you were in you leaned up further throwing a leg over his body letting yourself perch on his lap. He smiled though his eyes remained shut, a yawn slipping past his lips, “five more minutes,” he murmured. 

It was either going to be the five more minutes, or up until your daughter beckoned you to grab her from her crib in the room over.

You didn’t reply as your hands found their way back to his body, skimming them across his bare chest. Leaning down you trailed your lips along his jaw, your hands continuing to roam the expanse of his chest wanting to feel as much of him as possible.

Yours lips trailed over every expanse of skin they could reach. 

You were familiarizing yourself with him; though your memories may have returned everything still felt brand new. With every touch, every kiss that you had shared, another memory and a new wave of feelings followed. You were almost scared that it had all been a dream, that you had imagined the whole thing, but as Bucky shifted beneath you, his hands coming to rest on your waist, you knew this was real, that he was real. 

You continued to kiss him, placing tiny wet kisses along his body as you hovered over him by no means were you trying to push this any further than just the little innocent kisses you were adorning his body with, you were simply reminding yourself that he was here, that you here with him, that you remembered him. You were slow in your ministrations trying to make up for the time that you had lost not being able to love him the way your heart had ached to. Thinking about it now, it seemed like such a ridiculous thing, that you had actually forgotten about him in the first place, there was no forgetting a man like Bucky Barnes. You leaned back up slowly staring down at him only to find his eyes already glued to you. 

“Good morning,” you whispered a warm smile pulling at your lips. 

“ Mornin sweetheart’” he smiled; voice raspy where it was still coated in sleep. 

You leaned down again finally connecting your lips with his, fingers tangling themselves in his hair. He leaned up slightly, his hands gripping your hips as he kissed you back with just as much fervor as last few nights, the intensity of it taking your breath away. He pulled you down onto him rolling the two of you over, lips still molded with yours. He pulled away from the searing kiss a quiet whine leaving your lips, he smiled down at you his eyes holding yours in their loving gaze. He leaned back down, lips connecting with yours for a moment, before they were drifting their way down your face. 

Just like you had done to him, his lips left featherlike kisses along your skin. It was as if your body was a map, and he was finding different destinations to pin, when you thought he would continue one way, he would change pace and go in the other direction. Your eyes slipped shut, skin tingling under his lips savoring the feeling that his lips would leave behind. Much like the last few night with each touch, each kiss, you were brought back to another time, another moment. His rough, yet gentle hands roamed along your bare body, trailing every beautiful curve of your body. 

You don’t think you could ever get tired of this, of him, and now that you had experienced what it was like, you never wanted to lost him again. 

Bucky continued to explore your writhing body, he may not have been the one to have lost his memory but the way his kisses lingered, the way his touches left you shivering under his touch, you could tell he had missed this, missed you just as much. He had missed being able to touch you, kiss you, love you, to have you as his fully. While your intentions had been innocent, it had become quite obvious that Bucky’s were not. Despite the love you had shared over the past few weeks, there was still so much time lost between the two of you, so much love that had not been shared between the two of you. As his lips found yours again, you were certain the two of you would not be leaving the bed anytime soon, or at least not till your daughter’s tiny wails sounded through the home.

You had managed to stay tangled in bed with Bucky all day, your daughter eventually joining the two of you, her tiny body curled between the two of you. The last rays of sun were the only thing shining through the curtains, as Bucky and you laid in bed your daughter nestled on his chest, your legs tangled with his, body's pressed tightly against one another. Between shared kisses, there was occasional words you shared with another, but there was also a comforting silence that would blanket the two of you as you just watched your daughter begin to doze. The two of you relished being in the other’s arms just staring at one another. A content sigh leaves your lips as your daughters’ eyes finally drift shut, your body pressing in closer as you run a finger over her chubby cheek. Bucky’s arms hadn’t left you since he got you back, they were always lingering, holding you, touching you, squeezing you, he needed that reassurance that you were in fact there with him, that this was real, he needed the touch just as much as you did.

“You gonna stare at me all night too,” you whispered eyes closed as you leaned back onto your pillow. 

Bucky chuckled softly shifting closer to you, his lips hovering close to your ear, “I actually don’t see the problem with that sugar,” he voiced his breath causing shivers to run down your spine. 

You smiled when a yawn slipped past his lips, you had spent the majority of last night, and the morning bleeding into the evening in bed, with minimal sleeping. Bucky’s phone had buzzed away on the nightstand, but he couldn’t bring himself to move away from you or your daughter. The only time you had left the bed was to fetch your littler girl and grab a shower, and even then, the two of you hadn’t parted from one another. Your friends were probably worried, but you had both agreed that right now, you only wanted to be with each other, the rest of the world could wait. 

“y/n,” he said softly, you opened your eyes softly turning on your side to face him. 

“mmm,” you hummed eyes gleaming as you looked at him, god you would never get tired of the sight. 

“Marry me,” he whispered. 

You grinned cheeks turning rosy. “Bucky, babe we’re already married and we also have a beautiful little girl.” 

“I know,” he answered, “but I’d really like to marry you,” your brows furrowed in confusion, “buck,” you murmured, “marry me,” he tries again, “today, tomorrow, as soon as possible sweetheart, I just want you to marry me.”

You remained quiet brows still furrowed, “babe what is this about, is this because of what happened?” 

He shook his head again persistently, “It’s not because of what happened, well, not really. I just – I want to do this one moment with you over again, and I want to do things differently with you, you deserve that.” 

You smiled warmly at him, hand coming up to cup his cheek, “But I don’t need different Buck,” a sigh leaves your lips, “how would you even plan on putting together a wedding in 24 hours then?”

“We don’t need some huge ceremony, I don’t care if we get married in our backyard, all I know is that I want to marry you y/f/n, y/l/n, I know we’ve gotten married once already, but something about this time feels different, would you please let me do this, for you, for us?”

You leaned forwards placing a longing kiss on his lips, “if it’ll make you happy,” you murmur that’s all he needs to hear before he’s pulling away from you, his hands passing you your daughter softly as he slides from the bed.

“Buck what are you doing?” you questioned as he went around to the side of the room grabbing something from the shelf. 

Bucky returned to the bed, sliding back over to you, “What do you have there,” you questioned to his closed palm. 

“This,” he whispered palm opening, your eyes glistened with unshed tears as you the saw the diamond ring gleaming in his palm 

You lifted your left hand up to him, he took ahold of it gently, you watched through tear filled eyes as he slid the ring back onto your finger, right where it belonged. He pulled away the both of you admiring the ring that sat on your finger, it was like the missing piece had finally been placed. 

“I love you so much James Buchanan Barnes,” you whispered glancing up at him through teary eyes. 

“I love you too sweetheart, so much,” he said with a small smile, “sorry I didn’t give this to you sooner, was worried you might change your mind and make a run for it.”

You can only give him a teary smile as you watch him climb back onto the bed with you and your daughter. He tugged you two in closer, his hand reaching for yours, legs tangling together. He brought your hand up to his lips kissing each finger before he placed a kiss to the ring. Pulling you even closer he pulled your arm around his neck leaning down to attach his lips to yours. If you thought your kisses had been passionate before you didn’t know how to describe this new feeling this one brought you. It was like starting over. 

Bucky pulled away leaning his forehead against yours, “y/f/n, y/l/n, I promise you that as soon as I can, whether it’s tonight or tomorrow, I will make you my wife once more but first you need to do one thing for me.” 

“What?” you whispered, furrowing your brows. 

“ I need you to rest doll, like really rest, I know that you don’t sleep well through the night, I know most nights you’ve been more awake than asleep,” he whispered back placing a kiss to your head.

Your body stiffened slightly in his hold, “sweetheart, what's wrong?” he questioned voice laced with concern. 

“I’m just scared,” you voice quietly burying yourself into his side. 

“What are you scared of doll?” 

“I’m scared that all this is just a memory,” you whispered, “I'm scared that I'm going to wake up in the morning and I won’t remember you, what if this is all just some dream?” 

“Hey, hey,” he said quickly, running his hand along my cheek. “Don’t worry y/n, this is real, I’m real, you’re not dreaming, you’re here, in my arms with our daughter asleep on your chest, sweetheart you are awake.” 

You couldn’t help but smile then because as you stared up at him, seeing the emotion in his eyes, you saw that he was right, you were awake. This wasn’t a dream or a nightmare, this was your life and you didn’t have to worry about waking up from it. 

Life is filled with a million different moments and in all those moments, there is always going to be that “one moment” that stands out to you, that moment that changed everything. So as Bucky leaned back down to place one more kiss to your lips before transferring your daughter to her bassinet you held onto that feeling. You held onto him as he pulled you in once more your eyes tightly closed, you drifted in his arms right where you belonged and you would savor the way all of those moments danced around behind your eyelids. 

Even though you knew that Bucky was right, that this wasn’t a dream, all you could think was that if this was dream, for once, you never wanted to wake up. 


	10. Month 9 to Forever

“You sure you don’t need to sit, y/n, you look like you’re about to faint,” liv murmured with a soft laugh as she moved over to you, hand falling to your back offering you a small form of comfort.

“I think sitting will only make it worse,” you laughed through your choked tears, “g-god is this actually happening, why am I feeling like this, this isn’t the first time I’ve married him, what’s wrong with me!”

Liv laughed, her arm falling around your shoulder, “you’re feeling like this because you love him y/n, and it’s probably hitting you a little harder granted everything you’ve been through this past year.”

“I just – I just can’t believe I’m here, that we’re here doing this, a few months ago I was ready to leave him because I couldn’t remember who he was, I was ready to go back home and -”

“become a hermit crab with that awful mother of yours,” she questioned, you laughed patting under your eyes.

She squeezed your shoulder as she pulled you closer, “it’s okay to be nervous, I bet it feels like you’re starting your whole life over” she murmured fingers rubbing at your exposed skin, “and there’s nothing wrong with that, you two have the rest of forever now, nothing could keep the two of you apart.”

A shaky breath was leaving your lips at her words, your eyes watering once more, “oh y/n,” she cooed, “please don’t cry, you’re going to ruin your make up and mine,” she laughed her arms falling away from your shoulders to fan at her eyes.

“if I’m ruining mine, I’m ruining yours as well,” you teased fanning at your own face.

A choked laugh falls from her painted lips her hands tugging you closer, arms encircling your body as she pulls you in close, “I’m so proud of you, so proud that you didn’t give up and that you fought as hard as you did to get back to him, I know it was hard and scary but I’m so proud of you, there’s no one more deserving of a second chance like this,” at her words you squeeze her a little tighter.

“thank you for being by my side for this moment, I don’t have the words to thank you for everything you’ve done for me, especially when you didn’t have to.”

She pulls away from you slightly to get a look at you, “I told you I’m invested” she smiles fingers wiping delicately under your eyes. “Besides I got something out of it too,” she laughs through a few tears, “you guys gave me Steve.”

You’re pulling her in for a tighter hug, the two of you swaying slightly, “you deserve Steve and Steve deserves you, god we are such saps, what is wrong with us,” you giggled wiping away your tears.

Before she could come back with a witty comment a knock sounded just outside of your door.

Liv and you shared a look before she was pulling herself away from you to make her way over to the door.

You watched from your spot by the window as she opened the door the slightest, just a single crack to peek out.

“oh no,” you heard her say, and you raised a brow at her tone, “excuse me but just who do you think you are showing up here, especially on this day!” your lips parted at her tone, heart racing.

“I just need to speak with y/n for a minute,” your breath caught in your throat, “James asked me to come speak with her, to come see her, I promise I wouldn’t have been here otherwise.” your brows furrowed at her words.

Liv let out a scoff before looking over to you brow raised in question, you found yourself nodding your head, you wanted to hear what your mother had to say, Bucky wouldn’t have sent her to you if he thought it would end badly. 

Liv is opening the door, and you watch with baited breath as your mother steps in, “I’ll give you two a few minutes, but be quick the ceremony is due to start soon, I’ll be right out here if you need me.”

“we’ll be okay,” you murmur softly but its more for you, then her.

“I’m surprised to see you here,” you begin once the door has shut softly, your mother looks over to you, her lips parting, “I’m just as surprised as you, though not as much as I had been when James came to find me.”

Your head tilts to the side, “why did he go to you, when did he go to you?”

“He came to me two evenings after you had remembered, I wasn’t answering his calls so he popped in,” you hold back the eye roll, but you don’t hold back the scoff.

“even when you don’t deserve to know something as big as that he still made time to let you know and for what.”

“now y/n,” your mother argues, “no mother, Bucky has never given you a reason to treat him like you do, and yet as hard as he tries you still manage to be as cold as you are towards him why?”

“he’s going to hurt you y/n, maybe not now, but he will hurt you, and I’m trying to keep you from that hurt, I’ve been trying to keep you from that!”

You shook your head, fists clenched, “unbelievable mom, Bucky reached out to you, went to you to let you know that I had remembered, and look at how you still speak of him, he’s done nothing NOTHING, to be treated like this,” you argued. “I don’t know why he went to you, but I wish he hadn’t.”

Your mother’s eyes widen, “you don’t mean that y/n,” your mother cries.

“I do mom,” you whisper tears filling your eyes, “and god how I wish I didn’t, but mom I love him, and he loves me, more than I deserve, and I just wish you would see that.”

“they’re all the same y/n, you’ll see.”

You shook your head, “I think you should go, there’s no getting through to you and today is supposed to be a happy day.”

“y/n -”

You look away, “please go,” you murmur before you’re turning on your heel, back to her.

A second passes before you hear the door open, Livs voice comes a second after, “can you call Bucky.”

“y/n,” she voices warily, your head turns to face her, tears obscuring your vision “please.”

You hear here retreating heels, a minute possibly two passes before you hear a soft knock, your body turns feet carrying you to the door, you pull it open.

“y/n babe I- ,” he sucks in a breath, “baby what happened,” he breathes noticing the tears staining your cheeks.

Yours arms are closing the distance between the two of you, your head finding its way to his shoulder, “I love you,” you sniffle, “I love you so much, I don’t know what I did to get someone like you.”

His lips press to the side of your head, “I love you to sweetheart, but what happened, why did Liv need to come get me, I shouldn’t be seeing you like this,” he chuckles softly, hands running up and down the curve of your back.

“My mom came to see me,” you murmured, Bucky stopped breathing. You pulled away to look at him, “after everything she’s done, and the horrible things she’s said to you, you still went to see her, you still went to get her so she could come see me, still went to tell her that I was okay.”

He shrugged softly, “that’s your mom y/n, as much as she hates me for whatever reason she does, I could never keep you from your family.”

Your hand comes up to rest on his cheek, “you’re my family now Buck, you, our daughter, Steve, Liv, Sam, you all are my family, a family that loves me, a family that loves you, loves us, that’s all the family we need.”

A grin pulls at Bucky’s lips, his own coming up to rest on your cheek, “you’re really making me want to skip the whole vow renewal here babe just so I can get to the part where I can kiss you.”

You lean into him your head pressing to his, “I already have your name, there’s no reason we couldn’t just skip the whole ceremony part and just skip to the part where your lips are pressed against mine.”

He squeezes you tighter, “I wanted to do this for you though, wanted to give you something special.”

“You’ve already given me the most special thing.”

“and what’s that sweetheart,” he murmurs face inching closer.

“You.”

You watched from the porch as Bucky chased after your daughter, her soft squeals of delight sounding through the fenced yard.

A smile tugged at your lips as you watched the two race through the yard, your daughters small feet pushing her through the grass. Bucky could have easily swooped her up in his strong arms, but he liked to always give her the advantage, he would do anything for her.

A kick to your ribs has you wincing, you glance down at your prominent bump, another kick to your side coming from within. “don’t get jealous now,” you murmured fingers dancing along your stomach, “we’ll meet you soon enough.”

A kick was pressed to your hand, and your smile grew wider as you looked up just in time to see Bucky swoop your toddler into awaiting arms.

You were thankful to be here, 4 years ago you almost believed you had lost it all, were ready to give it all up because you couldn’t remember the man from your dreams, the man your heart loved.

To think you had almost left that night, ran away from it all.

But you were given this second chance, given the second chance to love, and be loved in return, and this time, this time you would never forget.

FIN.


End file.
